Here’s what we explored:

  • we can get so busy we miss the small miracles
  • urgency can become a habit. It is a state of mind
  • whatever state of mind you’re in, that will be your experience
  • having all the time in the world is a state of mind. It’s internal, not external
  • the possibility of feeling sped up but also peaceful
  • we need our ego to function but we don’t need to overly identify with it
  • playing at the game of life is easier when we recognise it as a game
  • being amped up we can fear the crash which ironically feeds the crash
  • it is how we relate to our feeling states that determine how much we suffer
  • not being 9-5 people – not wasting judgement gives more freedom
  • excess judgement around e.g. traffic congestion adds to our exhaustion
  • what sort of world would it be if we met everyone with interested curiosity?
  • holding our masks in place is exhausting and leads to suffering and isolation
  • sometimes we put a lot on being seen as pleasant, calm, wise, kind
  • we can get uncomfortable with the parts of us that don’t match up
  • we are far more than any of our traits
  • accepting our full messy, nuanced human-ness helps us drop the mask
  • If you’re not accepted for who you are because of race, sexuality, religious beliefs or other factors, dropping the mask can look dangerous
  • as you peel away the masks you discover more of your True self
  • as we are more authentic we start to see others for who they really are
  • look to where you have influence, model the behaviour you want to see
  • the risk in speaking up, if you are white, is some emotional discomfort
  • if you are black or brown speaking up may risk physical and bodily harm
  • the primitive brain has 2 primary priorities: to keep us safe and conserve energy
  • finding excessive gentleness for ourselves helps us drop the masks
  • women can sometimes demand that men don’t show vulnerability
  • men can demand that women be soft and gentle
  • neither allows the full experience of being human
  • violence is in othering – internally with parts of ourselves and toward others
  • there is something beyond our feeling states, something unchanging
  • getting more still, getting into your heart, relaxing psychologically
  • stop over-identifying with thoughts that are unhelpful
  • othering is about separation
  • our essence cannot be destroyed
  • we forget the grandeur of who we truly are and how we are all connected
  • let’s be excessively gentle with ourselves
  • Sydney Banks talks of life being a contact sport
  • joy as a powerful act of activism

Thank you for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, please do leave a review and share on your networks.


For one who is exhausted, a blessing, a poem by John O’Donohue

The Colby Index – measures how you prefer to get stuff done in the world

“Life is like any other contact sport. You may encounter hardships of one sort or another. Wise people find happiness not in the absence of such hardships but in their ability to understand them when they occur.” ~ p.124 The Missing Link – Reflections on Philosophy and Spirit by Sydney Banks

Be sure to tune in next time!


Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

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Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

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