Here’s what we explored:

  • Carla has suffered with chronic pain much of her life
  • there was a time when, if she felt unwell she would cancel appointments
  • even though she loves her face to face work with clients
  • when she’s really present, especially in conversations, those sensations matter less
  • what fades, even more, are the ‘woe is me’ stories
  • noticing this has made showing up much easier
  • you may feel lousy now but you may find when you engage with something, those sensations fade
  • less pushing through but more allowing the natural joy to emerge
  • why is it so difficult to show up as we are, to say, ‘I feel lousy’?
  • some people collapse into their emotions or physical discomfort
  • others push through regardless, even when they perhaps need to rest
  • yet when we come to our center, we get clearer about what is needed
  • this is a beautiful middle way which feels easy
  • being upfront about how you feel AND doing what you want to do
  • how does showing up affect the intensity of our symptoms?
  • Carla notices when she’s involved in her everyday activities she’s often completely unaware of her symptoms.
  • Carla has headaches every day
  • these days she doesn’t have much story about the headaches
  • Carla suffered from chronic myofascial pain some years ago and she tormented herself with stories about it.
  • did she cause it? Why her? How could she bear it?
  • once the stories dropped away, she suffered less
  • nowadays she has almost no symptoms
  • Carla’s dog Pedro has physical pain but doesn’t add on stories about it.
  • he’s recently had back surgery.
  • our ‘woe is me’ stories lower our spirits and keep us focused on the pain
  • for Carla that seemed to increase the intensity of the pain
  • in our feeling states too, we get caught up in stories that keep us stuck
  • Juliet talked of a trip to a remote beach when she was feeling tender
  • seeing that her feelings didn’t come from the beach (neither the joy nor melancholy)
  • recognizing that it’s okay to feel what we feel eg melancholy
  • when we surrender to our feelings, they move through in their own time
  • as we get more in touch with a deeper dimension, we take our feelings less seriously, less personally
  • as our understanding of how the mind works deepens, we find more ease with our ups and downs
  • more gentleness and kindness can come in
  • we drop the illusion of urgency as we get less gripped by our feelings and moods
  • see the antelope on the savannah, grazing, relaxed and alert, relaxed, and alert.
  • the lion appears and the antelope’s system floods with stress chemicals
  • the chase is on but the lion swerves and moments later the antelope returns to grazing, relaxed, and alert.
  • of course, the antelope might die but it’s not running stories about this
  • the great lesson here is: we too can move from urgent to relaxed and alert in a heartbeat.
  • we keep the sense of urgency running if we buy into the stories our mind is telling us
  • being present we begin to understand we have the resources to respond to danger.
  • will we outrun the lion? Maybe, maybe not.
  • do we need to live in constant fear? No.
  • we’ve become expert over-thinkers
  • the ego is not who we are at our essence, fundamentally
  • the ego is always trying to put forward a better version of ourselves
  • we work so hard to try and hide our messy human-ness, wearing a mask
  • dropping the mask is such a relief
  • how you feel is not who you are
  • how you feel doesn’t say anything about what kind of person you are
  • getting over-identified with how we feel keeps us from seeing fresh thought
  • when we get over judging how we feel, then we can find unexpected treasure
  • Juliet shares how in a group session where she was struggling to hold her train of thought, she wondered if it was an invitation to go quiet and she did so. The call went very deep.
  • in conversation, we are in a co-creative dance, you, me, and Life
  • when we show up and be authentic, we don’t need to worry about over or underperforming
  • Life/God/Spirit/Universal Mind has our back
  • when we feel on top form we tend to take the credit
  • when we feel a bit off there is a gift there
  • if we can have eyes for how Life takes care of us/things
  • when we swing between ‘poor me’ and ‘aren’t ‘I fantastic’ it can look like ego is in the driver’s seat
  • the paradox is that if we demand we always be centered, in equilibrium, then we set up tension, it’s another form of seeking
  • as we fall more and more into acceptance of being human, what might we be missing in the extremes?
  • when you bring extreme gentleness for its own sake, it brings something marvelous into play

Thank you for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, please do leave a review and share on your networks.


‘If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;  
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;  
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;   

(Excerpt from ‘If’, poem by Rudyard Kipling)

Be sure to tune in next time!


Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

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Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

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