Here’s what we explored:
- we are horrible at predicting the future
- we can make up very negative stories about the future
- those stories can disturb and discombobulate us
- we ruminate about the past or worry about the future when we’re in a low state of mind
- in a better state of mind, the unknown can be exciting
- when we feel insecure the things we worry about look true
- in a better state of mind, those problems aren’t present
- trying to pretend we don’t feel insecure isn’t the answer
- acknowledging when we feel insecure that the problems look true is a kind of honoring
- it’s interesting to notice how uncomfortable we are with being uncomfortable
- when we feel insecure what exactly is threatened?
- Carla notices how much she dislikes physical discomfort – she works very hard to mitigate discomfort
- curiosity is a very valuable thing – it’s like taking off the blinders.
- lack of curiosity creates tunnel vision
- discomfort can manifest emotionally, psychologically, physically, and spiritually
- a feeling of wanting to crawl out of our skin
- who is suffering when we feel discomfort?
- it is the mind that is suffering, not who we are at our essence
- do we become what we are feeling? We feel irritated so we become a ball of irritation
- we are not experiencing what is out there, we are experiencing our perception of what’s out there
- like with an old outboard motor, you can take the cover off and diagnose what’s going on
- when we don’t understand how the mind works, we are at the mercy of how we feel and we don’t have any agency
- even when we do understand that we are at the effect of what looks true to us, not the world out there….. we can forget …… and we do …… again and again
- when everything we perceive is self-referenced ie what does this say about me? and interestingly when we’re not doing that and we are just experiencing life, unfiltered.
- noticing what happens when we aren’t making stories with us at the center of them
- if you go out and sit with a tree and remove the label ‘tree’ and just experience it fresh
- when we experience the label we are not seeing the living thing in front of us
- same with people, we stop seeing the person, you are seeing all your opinions about them
- the story of two people in a room when someone comes into the room with a Doberman. One person grew up with Dobermans and loves them and has a feeling of warmth and excitement. The other person was chased by a Doberman when she was a child and fell off her bike.
- she feels fear when she sees the Doberman. Which person is right?
- It’s easy to think both are right but what if neither is right?
- Neither person knows this particular dog. If it is an attack dog, it doesn’t matter how many good feelings you have about this dog, it is likely to attack. If, on the other hand, it is a service dog, it doesn’t matter how frightened you are, it is unlikely to attack.
- in the same way, with people, we operate from our preconceptions about others so we think because that person voted in a particular way, we think we know how they are going to react
- and don’t we also do this with ourselves? We think we are a particular way: I always do this or never do that and that means it will go this way
- what we are doing is referencing who we’ve been in the past and we can get stuck – ‘this is how it’s always gone before. I can’t help this, it’s just who I am’
- it limits our ability to see this place of limbo as a fresh opportunity where anything could happen
- we can’t predict the future, so we reference who we believe ourselves to be with all our perceived limitations
- it’s uncomfortable and frightening
- what happens, when we get curious and see limbo as full of possibility?
- we often unconsciously go to our filing system and pull up what we ALREADY know about others and ourselves
- and we can create fixedness and limitation
- if we realize all those things we take ourselves to be, all our opinions, are changeable
- when most of us look at ourselves we see we are full of inconsistencies and contradictions – that’s just being human
- there’s an opportunity in discomfort to see where we are bumping up against illusions of ourselves or the world
- imagine, what if ‘how we feel doesn’t matter?’
- when we feel insecure, how ‘I’ feel is SO important
- when we’re not feeling insecure: there is much less of ‘I’, more live and let live, more freedom, more ease
- is there a clue there? That the ‘I’ is the one that creates all the drama
- what if our emotions are not personal?
- what’s the feedback system that tells us our emotions are intolerable? the personal mind
- when we forget ourselves, when there’s no ‘me’ in the equation, we experience freedom
- the mind is the author of the experience and at the effect of the experience too
- the mind is incredibly powerful
- if you are finding limbo stressful and overwhelming right now: just know that decisions will get made, events will happen. When we look back we see all the times we’ve navigated difficulties and even forgotten about them a few days, weeks or months later
- ideas and insights come in whether or not we are aware of them
- there’s less to worry about than we think: we can’t know the future
- when you are ramped up, can you sit on the bank of yourself so the stirred up pond can come back to clarity?
- stirred up emotions will pass, especially if we can leave them alone, they do so quicker
- it doesn’t generally help trying to figure things out when we are stressed out
- in the middle of limbo have kindness for yourself and for others
- it’s not that everything works out or there is necessarily a happily ever after
- Sydney Banks, ‘life is a contact sport’
- when we can engage wholeheartedly with life – that’s not about the externals – there has been an internal shift
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Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.
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Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life.
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