Here’s what we explored:
- when people try and fix us or our problems it’s not helpful, it can be disempowering
- what about not offering solutions to others?
- what if we have faith that others can figure things out?
- what if we wait to be asked for advice?
- the simplicity and power of just being present with someone is under-estimated
- wanting to fix others is usually about the fixer’s ego
- fixers often can’t tolerate someone’s else’s pain or discomfort
- fixing is often about the fixer feeling better
- to have someone sit with you when you are hurt, confused or angry is incredibly powerful
- Carla talks about an initial conversation she has with prospective clients where she doesn’t coach but listens deeply and asks questions
- what if we don’t need a bag of tools and techniques to deal with work, family or finances?
- what if bringing the simplicity of listening with a tender, open-heart is all we need?
- a psychological relaxation is a kind of dropping down under our thoughts rather than trying to control or argue with our thoughts
- listening to understand means listening with an open minded curiosity
- when we are too in love with our own great ideas we stop listening
- when people are going through difficult life challenges, we can worry about what to say or do.
- Just show up and be present and see what occurs
- support (for ourselves and others) can be incredibly simple
- sometimes we don’t need words, so much is carried on the feeling, more than we realise
- in a constricted tense mind, it’s almost impossible to come up with solutions
- also in a numb, zoned out mind, problems can seem overwhelming
- that deeper, peaceful feeling is never far away
- we can discover the possibility of a little reboot at any odd moment
- gentle encouragement to look towards a deeper experience
- trying to force our mind into any particular state tends to just get in the way – more busy thinking
- how is it we can switch out of a low mood for example, when we have a work call?
- fresh thought gives us a fresh experience
- if you deeply realise that, it begins to change your relationship to how you feel
- state of mind is fluid: notice how much it changes through the day
- when you feel state of mind gives us an experience of irritability
- if you try to solve a problem from that irritable state, everything you look at will be experienced as irritating
- what about long term depression, how do you get over that?
- there is a deeper dimension that is beyond or before your mood
- when we begin to see that all our feelings are coming from inside of us, there is a freedom in recognising that
- often we add a pile of judgement, analysis and shame on how we feel and so we have the experience of being shamed, wrong, not good enough
- grieving is healthy, it’s a way of coming back to equilibrium if we allow ourselves to experience it wholeheartedly
- then it doesn’t feel as sticky
- our psychological system will come back to equilibrium
- there is a way to feel more grounded through what we think of as difficult emotions
- when we expand into how we feel, huge arms of love wrapped around whatever we are feeling: grief, mean-ness
- we are participants and creators in the experience we are having
- as we get insights around where our experience is coming from, our relationship to our moods begins to change
- our capacity to feel, to feel love, and appreciate everyday beauty, expands
- the need to control begins to fall away
- the control, analysis, and judgment takes so much energy
- wonder about that still space before our thoughts and feelings
- we touch that space all the time, it’s ordinary, but we overlook it
Quotes and Reference
- Adyashanti – on many social media platforms
Thank you for listening. What are you seeing around simplicity? We’d love to hear your questions or reflections so drop us a line. We’d love this podcast to reach a wider audience and point more people to their own wisdom, so please like and share it. It all helps and we appreciate it.
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Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.
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Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life.
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