Here’s what we explored:

  • when people try and fix us or our problems it’s not helpful, it can be disempowering
  • what about not offering solutions to others?
  • what if we have faith that others can figure things out?
  • what if we wait to be asked for advice?
  • the simplicity and power of just being present with someone is under-estimated
  • wanting to fix others is usually about the fixer’s ego
  • fixers often can’t tolerate someone’s else’s pain or discomfort
  • fixing is often about the fixer feeling better
  • to have someone sit with you when you are hurt, confused or angry is incredibly powerful
  • Carla talks about an initial conversation she has with prospective clients where she doesn’t coach but listens deeply and asks questions
  • what if we don’t need a bag of tools and techniques to deal with work, family or finances?
  • what if bringing the simplicity of listening with a tender, open-heart is all we need?
  • a psychological relaxation is a kind of dropping down under our thoughts rather than trying to control or argue with our thoughts
  • listening to understand means listening with an open minded curiosity
  • when we are too in love with our own great ideas we stop listening
  • when people are going through difficult life challenges, we can worry about what to say or do.
  • Just show up and be present and see what occurs
  • support (for ourselves and others) can be incredibly simple
  • sometimes we don’t need words, so much is carried on the feeling, more than we realise
  • in a constricted tense mind, it’s almost impossible to come up with solutions
  • also in a numb, zoned out mind, problems can seem overwhelming
  • that deeper, peaceful feeling is never far away
  • we can discover the possibility of a little reboot at any odd moment
  • gentle encouragement to look towards a deeper experience
  • trying to force our mind into any particular state tends to just get in the way – more busy thinking
  • how is it we can switch out of a low mood for example, when we have a work call?
  • fresh thought gives us a fresh experience
  • if you deeply realise that, it begins to change your relationship to how you feel
  • state of mind is fluid: notice how much it changes through the day
  • when you feel state of mind gives us an experience of irritability
  • if you try to solve a problem from that irritable state, everything you look at will be experienced as irritating
  • what about long term depression, how do you get over that?
  • there is a deeper dimension that is beyond or before your mood
  • when we begin to see that all our feelings are coming from inside of us, there is a freedom in recognising that
  • often we add a pile of judgement, analysis and shame on how we feel and so we have the experience of being shamed, wrong, not good enough
  • grieving is healthy, it’s a way of coming back to equilibrium if we allow ourselves to experience it wholeheartedly
  • then it doesn’t feel as sticky
  • our psychological system will come back to equilibrium
  • there is a way to feel more grounded through what we think of as difficult emotions
  • when we expand into how we feel, huge arms of love wrapped around whatever we are feeling: grief, mean-ness
  • we are participants and creators in the experience we are having
  • as we get insights around where our experience is coming from, our relationship to our moods begins to change
  • our capacity to feel, to feel love, and appreciate everyday beauty, expands
  • the need to control begins to fall away
  • the control, analysis, and judgment takes so much energy
  • wonder about that still space before our thoughts and feelings
  • we touch that space all the time, it’s ordinary, but we overlook it

Quotes and Reference

  • Adyashanti – on many social media platforms

Thank you for listening. What are you seeing around simplicity? We’d love to hear your questions or reflections so drop us a line. We’d love this podcast to reach a wider audience and point more people to their own wisdom, so please like and share it. It all helps and we appreciate it.


Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

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Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

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