Here’s what we explored:

  • when we feel embarrassed we can get dazed and confused because we feel out of control
  • when we feel very exposed our primitive brain can get triggered telling us we’re going to get kicked out of our tribe
  • even if others think we are vulnerable and share lots of deep things, in fact we may still be guarded and keeping tight control
  • we can be vulnerable on our own terms
  • the feeling of being ambushed can be intense and disorientating
  • the idea that someone has found a chink in the armour
  • the desire to control can be invisible to us
  • seeing the flight reaction in action can be startling
  • seeing how defended we are can be a shock
  • being very defended, excessively independent can be a trauma response
  • in being so defended, we miss out on so much of the good, the true and the beautiful in life
  • are we curating our life for others (consciously or unconsciously)?
  • we may curate ourselves as wise, rich and loving when there is also a messy side which we try to hide
  • sometimes we dress up judgement as curiosity and if we get caught out it can throw us into a spin because the danger signal gets triggered
  • we are all just human; we make mistakes, fall into judgement
  • we can end up hiding parts of ourselves
  • we can end up trying to stage-manage our lives
  • avoiding difficult situations can feel like a practical response
  • we can end up feeling some parts of ourselves are not allowed
  • noticing how low feelings can just come in even when we’re having a good day
  • but they can also go away again
  • when we are dazed and confused, it’s a great time to sit on the bank of ourselves and be compassionate
  • sometimes when our primitive brain is triggered, we can bring on our executive function and over-ride it. Other times we can’t.
  • when we don’t have to bring a bunch of meaning and judgement to it
  • if we can leave it be, it tends to dissipate quicker
  • we can question ‘what just happened?’, ‘why am I feeling like this?’
  • for Juliet when she gets reactive with ‘difficult’ people, the mind can go to all the things the other person has or hasn’t done
  • when we see that the reactivity is often not about the situation in front of us (unless there is real and present danger)
  • the mind can get scrambled when it can’t come up with a story
  • but this can be an opening
  • getting curious about vulnerability.
  • our identities and security don’t come from our possessions, success or our looks
  • when that illusion gets popped it can be devastating
  • when we’ve lost everything (or when we haven’t) we can live in fear of losing things
  • yet losing things and bouncing back is resilience
  • there’s a lot of freedom when we see through the illusion
  • sometimes when we bump up against our illusions it can be just a lovely letting go
  • other times it can be disorientating, like when a big chunk of the iceberg falls off
  • there are times we may need to be defended, like Carla’s dog Pedro, after the surgery
  • it’s appropriate to be compassionate with ourselves when we get triggered
  • disconnection from one another, from the earth and ultimately there is disconnection from our own spirit/souls
  • we miss out on the richness and variety of life possible if many people are going around defended against the harshness of the world
  • time to learn each others’ songs


Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high-achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

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Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

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