Here’s what we explored:
- when we feel embarrassed we can get dazed and confused because we feel out of control
- when we feel very exposed our primitive brain can get triggered telling us we’re going to get kicked out of our tribe
- even if others think we are vulnerable and share lots of deep things, in fact we may still be guarded and keeping tight control
- we can be vulnerable on our own terms
- the feeling of being ambushed can be intense and disorientating
- the idea that someone has found a chink in the armour
- the desire to control can be invisible to us
- seeing the flight reaction in action can be startling
- seeing how defended we are can be a shock
- being very defended, excessively independent can be a trauma response
- in being so defended, we miss out on so much of the good, the true and the beautiful in life
- are we curating our life for others (consciously or unconsciously)?
- we may curate ourselves as wise, rich and loving when there is also a messy side which we try to hide
- sometimes we dress up judgement as curiosity and if we get caught out it can throw us into a spin because the danger signal gets triggered
- we are all just human; we make mistakes, fall into judgement
- we can end up hiding parts of ourselves
- we can end up trying to stage-manage our lives
- avoiding difficult situations can feel like a practical response
- we can end up feeling some parts of ourselves are not allowed
- noticing how low feelings can just come in even when we’re having a good day
- but they can also go away again
- when we are dazed and confused, it’s a great time to sit on the bank of ourselves and be compassionate
- sometimes when our primitive brain is triggered, we can bring on our executive function and over-ride it. Other times we can’t.
- when we don’t have to bring a bunch of meaning and judgement to it
- if we can leave it be, it tends to dissipate quicker
- we can question ‘what just happened?’, ‘why am I feeling like this?’
- for Juliet when she gets reactive with ‘difficult’ people, the mind can go to all the things the other person has or hasn’t done
- when we see that the reactivity is often not about the situation in front of us (unless there is real and present danger)
- the mind can get scrambled when it can’t come up with a story
- but this can be an opening
- getting curious about vulnerability.
- our identities and security don’t come from our possessions, success or our looks
- when that illusion gets popped it can be devastating
- when we’ve lost everything (or when we haven’t) we can live in fear of losing things
- yet losing things and bouncing back is resilience
- there’s a lot of freedom when we see through the illusion
- sometimes when we bump up against our illusions it can be just a lovely letting go
- other times it can be disorientating, like when a big chunk of the iceberg falls off
- there are times we may need to be defended, like Carla’s dog Pedro, after the surgery
- it’s appropriate to be compassionate with ourselves when we get triggered
- disconnection from one another, from the earth and ultimately there is disconnection from our own spirit/souls
- we miss out on the richness and variety of life possible if many people are going around defended against the harshness of the world
- time to learn each others’ songs
CONNECT WITH CARLA
Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high-achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.
Website – CarlaRoyal.com
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CONNECT WITH JULIET
Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life.
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Website – Solcare
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