Here’s what we explored:
- it’s interesting to notice how we make up stories about interruptions
- when we are quick to judge others and ourselves we often get reactive
- our podcast gives us a chance to come on our recordings as we are, feeling all the feels
- we hope to encourage our listeners to also give themselves a little grace
- maybe we should plan for interruptions like we do when traveling to important meetings
- interruptions always happen so maybe we should add buffer time for them, instead of being shocked they happen
- we know we can’t control the traffic so it’s just logical to allow extra time
- why not put lots of time around every task or appointment in your diary?
- we’re rewarded for ticking boxes on our to-do list and we can internalise that and prioritise quantity over quality
- Carla talks of working with a client who hated interruptions and he started to realise he was just trying to do too much
- he began to block his time differently
- Carla hates being late and hates waiting for others
- she made an adjustment to her coaching agreement to tell clients she would only wait for 5 minutes after the start of a scheduled call unless she hears from someone
- an easy adjustment that makes it clear for her clients and reduces her suffering
- punctuality is an interesting place to look at the separate realities operating
- when people are late to meet us, we can make up stories about not being respected, not being valued when in fact chronic lateness is often created by totally unrelated issues
- another client of Carla’s takes care of customers in a company that has a no refund policy
- clients do ask for refunds and it makes this client mad but with Carla’s help he’s begun to catch himself
- once you consider someone else might be dealing with all kinds of life challenges eg sickness, a divorce, a work issue, we can begin to find compassion
- from a place of understanding and compassion, we are more open to wisdom and inspiration
- in the Buy Nothing group Juliet co-admins, she’s noticed the wide range of communication styles and tries to foster a feeling of goodwill and understanding
- when we get stuck in our version of things, our way is the right way, there isn’t much possibility of meeting in the middle
- the difference between niceness and kindness: niceness is making the other person feel good all the time whereas kindness is about respecting your own boundaries and being truthful
- Carla noticed the comedy the other day: she was having a hard day and was snappy and irritable with her friend who got upset. Then she got more upset.
- Juliet notices when she’s very tired, her mind gets very busy, almost as if being tired is a threat to her safety. Her system goes looking for trouble, with the ‘what’s wrong?’ goggles
- she sees how illogical it is: being very tired and getting more vigilant
- do we have to do that?
- is there a space where we can drop that busyness, knowing it’s not helpful?
- when Pedro had his back surgery, he would growl at other dogs that approached (not something he usually does)
- is there something appropriate in ‘growling!’
- is it helpful to let people know where you are?
- many people in business feel they always have to be ‘on it’ which is toxic
- why are we so afraid to share and be real and vulnerable?
- attitudes to mental health are changing which is good news
- the minute you actually express you’re having a hard day, there’s a release, especially if we’re met with understanding
- it’s very helpful to see how state of mind plays out around complaints or interruptions
- when the person we are with is in a low state of mind and we drop into a low state of mind too, we end up with a battleground
- can we experiment with spinning a more positive story to account for people’s behaviour, giving people the benefit of doubt?
- discerning where it is safe to share how we are doing
- what about with ourselves? isn’t that a great place to acknowledge if we are up against it and give ourselves a bit of grace
- in a strung-out state of mind, everything is harder
- when we don’t extend that grace to ourselves and get really self-critical then we’re going to get judgemental of others
- we can get interrupted by events and our own emotions. They happen all day long
- Carla shares how a wave of grief just washed in after a good day of work and how she was able to just let it roll through
- when we try and tightly control our day, we’re setting ourselves up for a fall
- it may look like we have no alternative: “I have a huge to do list”
- but that internally generated pressure comes from what we think about our to do list rather than the actual tasks
- when we focus our attention on just what is in front of us, we take off layers and layers of additional thinking which makes it easier to move through activities
- being very reactive to interruption, is it actually the interruption to our task or what we make of this interruption?
- we are constantly running scenarios, like a soap opera script – such a dramatic brain
- it’s not inevitable you have to be in a busy headspace when you’re at work tasks
- we can wrongly assume working effectively has to come with a sense of stress and adrenaline
- what would happen if we just gave ourselves entirely over to the interruption?
- Carla gave an example of how she managed to pivot when she needed to take up an emergency vet appointment
- having boundaries around when you can and can’t be interrupted. Reflect on this and see what you need to do to make that so
Quotes and sources
- ‘Expectations are resentments under constructions’, Anne Lamott
- Steve Chandler on expectations versus agreements, Carla shares this with her clients
- The Shallows: How the Internet Is Changing the Way We Think, Read and Remember
by Nicholas Carr, Paul Michael Garcia, et al.
- Your Brain at Work, Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long by David Rock
Thank you for listening, we’d love to hear from you. Get in touch via the comments and tell us what lands for you. Go ahead and share the podcast link on social.
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Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high-achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.
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Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life.
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