Here’s what we explored:
- it is easy to get seduced by the toxic culture of go, go, go and more, more, more
- the pressure to present as happy and okay all the time is counter-productive
- we are okay underneath but we do get to experience the full range of human emotion
- suppressing or ignoring our experience can create more suffering
- much distress could be averted if we could be okay with not being okay
- if we can set aside our discomfort at feeling off, there is an opportunity to tune in to our deeper wisdom which is the best guide
- we may not listen to our inner nudges because we don’t like what it is nudging us to do
- if we don’t pay attention to our inner wisdom, it tends to knock louder
- it’s common that people who are running running running, often come down with a physical or mental episode that forces them to stop
- Carla talks about a client who was exhausted and she told him he needed to take a sabbatical for a month
- at first, he was horrified but being open and curious he decided to take the sabbatical
- it changed his life. His business did not collapse and he got clarity about how he wanted to approach things on his return
- we have this illusion that if we don’t try to control everything, it will all fall apart
- seeing through the illusion of control often happens through a natural disaster or illness
- there’s a freedom in seeing through the illusion
- initially, it may be frightening but the relief when you see you don’t have to control everything is immense
- Carla speaks of the client who took the sabbatical showed an amazing level of leadership in that act
- the modelling and permission it gives others when we step away to take care of ourselves
- the client’s team stepped up and it was incredibly empowering for them
- when we see that catastrophizing is made of thought, we might find space to wonder what positive things could come out of eg taking a break, rather than focus only on negative possibilities
- the body has incredible wisdom, signs of burnout such as sleep and appetite disturbance, mood swings and difficulty concentrating are flashing amber warning lights
- when we feel very stressed it looks like it is the circumstances and events and other people out there causing our state of mind
- in a stressed state of mind, we see problems everywhere
- when we aren’t stressed we don’t see so many problems
- state of mind plays a huge part in how we meet our experience
- when you’re very depleted, calming the system down is much more helpful than trying to tackle the so-called problems because you’re not in a fit state to be very effective
- when we are willing to step away from the crazy-making, busy mind we are in, we begin to see through the illusion of our thinking
- when we aren’t caught up in our busy thinking, we can find more clarity and what we can do or need to do is clearer
- taking on the pressure to keep up a mask of efficiency all the time robs us of the chance to tune into our deeper wisdom
- there are many cultural messages subtly telling us we should be well turned out all the time, especially women
- there are also cultural messages around being successful, especially for men
- many successful entrepreneurs report losing the sense of fun and adventure they experienced at the beginning
- are we drawn to drama as a substitute for feeling connection?
- how much we have on our minds determines our experience
- if we define our sense of self by our success, appearance, relationships or money, then we will constantly be chasing those things or experiencing fear around losing them
- when we live in our heads instead of in the present moment, we end up on a merry go round
- the desire for connection is universal but we tend to look for it outside ourselves when it comes from within
- the less connected we feel, sometimes the harder we run, living more and more in our heads
- at any point, there is a possibility of checking in with that deeper self to see what is the next thing you want to do (or not do)
- sometimes we don’t want to hear our deeper wisdom because it doesn’t line up with the stories we’ve spun about ourselves
- even though we know we’d feel better if we listened to our wisdom, sometimes we don’t want to feel better, we’re committed to our self-righteousness or frustration
- lack of connection leads to burnout as we chase dopamine hits from things that inevitably are ephemeral
- whenever we find ourselves getting obsessive about something eg exercise, then it’s a signal that we are looking in the wrong place for connection
- once we realise we are not our business or our body or, fill in the blank, then we can find freedom
- if we engage in things that appeal to us, with nothing on it, we find a flow and ease that is missing when we’re striving to prop up our sense of self
- toxic goals arise when we invest our well-being in achieving something out in the world: losing weight, making more money, and winning a championship. Thinking we’ll be okay when we achieve those things.
- you can see that you have invested your sense of self in accomplishing a goal, eg losing weight, when, on achieving the goal, the feeling of satisfaction is short-lived
- insecurity is an inside job – there’s nothing outside that will take care of that
- seeing that insecurity is an illusion is what loosens its grip. No need to get rid of our insecurities, rather recognise they are passing states of mind. We don’t need to take them so seriously
- living life for the game of it
- burn out is the mind/body warning system. It’s your friend. It’s pointing to something that needs attention
Quotes and References
- George Pransky, The Game of Life and Living
- Article: Three warning signs that your goals may be toxic by Jamie Smart
- Book: Wherever You Go, There You Are, Mindfulness meditation for everyday life by John Kabat-Zin
Thank you for listening, we hope something helpful has come up for you from this podcast. And we’d love to hear your reflections. Get in touch via the comments and tell us what lands for you. Go ahead and share the podcast wherever you are online. And don’t forget to subscribe so you can catch future episodes.
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Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high-achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.
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Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life.
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