Here’s what we explored:

  • when we listen for our own wisdom around problems, we get helpful fresh ideas that may include asking someone for help
  • if we identify help we need and then ask, that feels different from having others telling us what to do when we haven’t asked
  • ask how you can help. Don’t make assumptions about what someone wants and needs
  • we want our own capacity for returning to well-being to be recognised when people offer help
  • we also assume people can’t handle feeling distress
  • we can become frightened by others’ distress
  • often, without awareness, the reason we want others to feel better is because we need them to feel better so we can feel better
  • when we catch sight of this, we realise it is all about us!
  • do we really see, we are okay at a deeper essential level (and so is everyone else)?
  • Carla talks about when she had her breakdown-breakthrough, how her wisdom told her to let herself completely unravel, and then when everything was stripped back she felt her deeper essence
  • what people crave is a grounded presence
  • when our sense of ourselves gets interrupted, we may attempt to patch ourselves up and try to carry on as before
  • there is a terror of falling apart
  • being present with ourselves is an extraordinary gift
  • when we speak to someone as if they are whole, not broken, without judgment, we invite the other to find that place in themselves
  • ‘Why’ questions don’t usually give a satisfying answer – ‘why am I feeling this way?’
  • as we deeply realise we are more than our feelings, we get to take how we feel less seriously
  • there is an intelligence in our inner experience (all of it), you begin to get eyes for the wisdom of the moment – it’s alive
  • the difference between feeling our emotions and collapsing into our emotions
  • if we don’t reflect on why we want to help and ask others what help they want (if they know), then we’re not really being helpful
  • often we grab hold of the story because it’s a diversion, something to do.
  • it looks like it’s empathetic but it moves the focus away from the present
  • the point of lightening up is, not only do we feel better, we are more resourced to hear and act on our wisdom
  • often, our head is disconnected from our hearts
  • as we get more sense of a deeper dimension we get kinder towards our psychological experience
  • we don’t take how we feel so personally
  • when are low, we are usually living in the past and when we are feeling anxious often we are living in the future
  • coming back into the present can help us find equilibrium
  • as we wake up to the wild ways our dramatic brains go on, we get to take it less seriously
  • if you catch yourself trying to fix others, it’s a good place to sit and reflect on how much you can get present with your own distress
  • we’re human, we fall into our old tracks of thought but as we catch sight more and more of what’s going on, there’s a softening
  • we begin to see our ridiculousness with love and humour rather than judgement
  • being okay with whatever our experience is means we get to be okay with others, whatever experience they are having
  • the space of not knowing is fertile ground and we begin to get curious rather than fearful when we don’t know
  • come alongside others in support but without making demands
  • don’t underestimate the power of warmth and connection and being fully present with someone in distress

Quotes and References

  • webinar: Mavis Karn and Grace Kelly, Essential Selfishness
  • René Descartes, “I think therefore I am”

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Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high-achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

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Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

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