Navigating the Unknown

Here’s what we explored:

  • has your day ever really gone to plan? Aren’t interruptions the norm?
  • woman plans God laughs
  • Juliet shares her own sense of melancholy being separated from her partner
  • when we don’t accept what is; we suffer
  • going through the feelings, being prepared to feel all the feels
  • if you fight what is, inner or outer, the resistance builds up and we suffer more
  • with so much uncertainty, it’s as if we are all sitting on the edge of our seats
  • we’ve been turned upside down and for many of us there’s no new normal yet
  • the illusion has been shattered. We were comfortable in that illusion
  • when the wave of overwhelm is heading my way we have a few options
  • stand against it and get flattened; dive under it, or ride the wave
  • we don’t have to try to fight it you can go into the soft body of our human-ness
  • we can innocently let our stressful thinking build, like in a psychological thriller
  • we do this especially when we are uncomfortable with how we feel
  • when the mind clears, there’s an opportunity for fresh thinking
  • you only have to deal with what’s right in front of you, right now
  • when we drop our stories, we’re able to move more easily through life
  • we get present all the time, but we just don’t notice
  • here, now the two of us speaking, everything’s fine, we’re in a state of curiosity
  • social media gives us the stories that match our own
  • when you feel irritated, if you go on Facebook, you’ll feel more irritated
  • a symptom of stress is a sense of urgency and not thinking clearly
  • we either go scatter gun and try to solve problems or withdraw and feel overwhelmed
  • Juliet says how she couldn’t see how exhausting that was
  • she thought she was exhausted because of all the things she had to do
  • when you understand your feelings are real but what they are telling you is not, you can take them less seriously
  • we’re not saying, we’re okay because we don’t have so-called challenges in our life
  • we’re okay because there is something deeper and fresh thinking is always available
  • when our system floods with stress chemicals we have less clarity but those chemicals are meant to be released when we are ACTUALLY in danger
  • what happens is those chemicals get released when we IMAGINE danger
  • the birds don’t have a commentary running about their circumstances
  • we can learn from the birds
  • Carla talks of a story in Mara Gleason’s book, One Thought Changes Everything, wherein a holdup, all Mara’s fear dropped away and she felt a feeling of expansive love rush in
  • we see the possibility of our stories dropping away at any moment
  • you can’t think your way to a state of no thought
  • we drop out of our self-conscious thinking all the time, we just don’t notice
  • when we are being and doing, we aren’t thinking about ourselves
  • it is changes in our thoughts that change our experience not changes in our external world
  • the more we can take things off our mind, the easier it is to deal with the unknown
  • when we have lots on our mind, social media can just amplify that busy mind state
  • as we learn to ride the waves, we get really good at being flexible and find more ease
  • when you don’t accept what is, you suffer
  • it doesn’t mean being a doormat or acquiescing to being badly treated
  • if you don’t like what’s going on, change it or accept it as Eckhart Tolle says
  • when our minds run away with thoughts of fear and insecurity, we get exhausted
  • if we don’t know what’s going on we innocently add to the pressure with our thinking
  • our actions follow our thinking.
  • Carla gave an example of badly slicing her fingers when doing a task while exhausted
  • attending to letting our minds settle is the single most important thing we can do

Thank you for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, please do leave a review and share on your networks.

Quote/sources

One Thought Changes Everything, Mara Gleason

Dicken Bettinger – search YouTube for his videos

Eckhart Tolle – search YouTube for his videos

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

Website – CarlaRoyal.com

Facebook – Carla Royal Coach

Linkedin – Carla Royal

Instagram – CarlaRoyalCoach

Sign up to receive Carla’s weekly newsletter for inspiration, motivation, and tips for living with more ease and flow – Subscribe 

CONNECT WITH JULIET

Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

Sign up for her latest insights, essays, poems and inspirational programmes direct to your inbox – Subscribe

Website – Solcare

Instagram- Juliet Faye

Facebook – Solcare

CONNECT WITH US!

If you love The Riffing on Realness Podcast, rate the podcast and/or write us a review! 

You can do that HERE ! Don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE so you don’t miss out on new episodes dropping every week. And don’t forget to share it with your friends!

Thank you for listening and being a part of this community! It means a lot to us!

Finally, are their topics you’d like us to cover? Please let us know.

Showing Up When Feeling Bad

Here’s what we explored:

  • Carla has suffered with chronic pain much of her life
  • there was a time when, if she felt unwell she would cancel appointments
  • even though she loves her face to face work with clients
  • when she’s really present, especially in conversations, those sensations matter less
  • what fades, even more, are the ‘woe is me’ stories
  • noticing this has made showing up much easier
  • you may feel lousy now but you may find when you engage with something, those sensations fade
  • less pushing through but more allowing the natural joy to emerge
  • why is it so difficult to show up as we are, to say, ‘I feel lousy’?
  • some people collapse into their emotions or physical discomfort
  • others push through regardless, even when they perhaps need to rest
  • yet when we come to our center, we get clearer about what is needed
  • this is a beautiful middle way which feels easy
  • being upfront about how you feel AND doing what you want to do
  • how does showing up affect the intensity of our symptoms?
  • Carla notices when she’s involved in her everyday activities she’s often completely unaware of her symptoms.
  • Carla has headaches every day
  • these days she doesn’t have much story about the headaches
  • Carla suffered from chronic myofascial pain some years ago and she tormented herself with stories about it.
  • did she cause it? Why her? How could she bear it?
  • once the stories dropped away, she suffered less
  • nowadays she has almost no symptoms
  • Carla’s dog Pedro has physical pain but doesn’t add on stories about it.
  • he’s recently had back surgery.
  • our ‘woe is me’ stories lower our spirits and keep us focused on the pain
  • for Carla that seemed to increase the intensity of the pain
  • in our feeling states too, we get caught up in stories that keep us stuck
  • Juliet talked of a trip to a remote beach when she was feeling tender
  • seeing that her feelings didn’t come from the beach (neither the joy nor melancholy)
  • recognizing that it’s okay to feel what we feel eg melancholy
  • when we surrender to our feelings, they move through in their own time
  • as we get more in touch with a deeper dimension, we take our feelings less seriously, less personally
  • as our understanding of how the mind works deepens, we find more ease with our ups and downs
  • more gentleness and kindness can come in
  • we drop the illusion of urgency as we get less gripped by our feelings and moods
  • see the antelope on the savannah, grazing, relaxed and alert, relaxed, and alert.
  • the lion appears and the antelope’s system floods with stress chemicals
  • the chase is on but the lion swerves and moments later the antelope returns to grazing, relaxed, and alert.
  • of course, the antelope might die but it’s not running stories about this
  • the great lesson here is: we too can move from urgent to relaxed and alert in a heartbeat.
  • we keep the sense of urgency running if we buy into the stories our mind is telling us
  • being present we begin to understand we have the resources to respond to danger.
  • will we outrun the lion? Maybe, maybe not.
  • do we need to live in constant fear? No.
  • we’ve become expert over-thinkers
  • the ego is not who we are at our essence, fundamentally
  • the ego is always trying to put forward a better version of ourselves
  • we work so hard to try and hide our messy human-ness, wearing a mask
  • dropping the mask is such a relief
  • how you feel is not who you are
  • how you feel doesn’t say anything about what kind of person you are
  • getting over-identified with how we feel keeps us from seeing fresh thought
  • when we get over judging how we feel, then we can find unexpected treasure
  • Juliet shares how in a group session where she was struggling to hold her train of thought, she wondered if it was an invitation to go quiet and she did so. The call went very deep.
  • in conversation, we are in a co-creative dance, you, me, and Life
  • when we show up and be authentic, we don’t need to worry about over or underperforming
  • Life/God/Spirit/Universal Mind has our back
  • when we feel on top form we tend to take the credit
  • when we feel a bit off there is a gift there
  • if we can have eyes for how Life takes care of us/things
  • when we swing between ‘poor me’ and ‘aren’t ‘I fantastic’ it can look like ego is in the driver’s seat
  • the paradox is that if we demand we always be centered, in equilibrium, then we set up tension, it’s another form of seeking
  • as we fall more and more into acceptance of being human, what might we be missing in the extremes?
  • when you bring extreme gentleness for its own sake, it brings something marvelous into play

Thank you for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, please do leave a review and share on your networks.

Quote/sources

‘If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;  
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;  
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;   

(Excerpt from ‘If’, poem by Rudyard Kipling)

Be sure to tune in next time!

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

Website – CarlaRoyal.com

Facebook – Carla Royal Coach

Linkedin – Carla Royal

Instagram – CarlaRoyalCoach

Sign up to receive Carla’s weekly newsletter for inspiration, motivation, and tips for living with more ease and flow – Subscribe 

CONNECT WITH JULIET

Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

Sign up for her latest insights, essays, poems and inspirational programmes direct to your inbox – Subscribe

Website – Solcare

Instagram- Juliet Faye

Facebook – Solcare

CONNECT WITH US!

If you love The Riffing on Realness Podcast, rate the podcast and/or write us a review! 

You can do that HERE ! Don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE so you don’t miss out on new episodes dropping every week. And don’t forget to share it with your friends!

Thank you for listening and being a part of this community! It means a lot to us!

Finally, are their topics you’d like us to cover? Please let us know.

Consumption versus creativity

Consumption versus creativity

consumption, creativity: in breath, out breath.
every day, consuming food and drink: essential to life

but not all of it

every moment creating: things, relationships, ideas, experiences.
consuming ever more information, drama, energy, fuel, food, time,
the planet’s, ours, other people’s

always wanting more

over consumption driven by desires that cannot be met
for comfort, excitement, security, power, immortality even.
short term dopamine hits to soothe over-excited systems
if all we are is a lone separate human among 7 billion others

why wouldn’t we go on a binge?

chasing connection, inner fulfilment, chasing away our demons
with every click, glug, fight and scroll we get further away
draining the life blood from ourselves, our planet, our children
weary, frightened, ready to attack, we cower, duck or dive

the frenzy of desire takes us to the brink

to go forward is to fall into the abyss, chaos, destruction
we pause, catch a different note and hear a different song
the song of creation, re-formed in every out breath
our stories swirl like bridal gowns released from moth balls

but beyond is the crucible holding each sacred act of creation
fixing your hair, taking out the trash, typing a text
reading aloud to a child, waving at the neighbour
tiny acts unnoticed, forgotten, yet weaving this web of experience

acts of love, reciprocity, generosity and service
made daily, often unremarked, acts of humanity
everyday creation, pulling the threads that bind us
when we’re already swimming in the same sea

only we forget and flounder and flail about
and create the illusion of drowning when
all we’re doing is making a wave
in the sea of belonging, the sea of love

to notice, to see, just to see, is enough
to wake up and worship at the altar of creativity
go out, with glad hearts and celebrate
the daily acts of creation that connect us

© words and artwork, image of original watercolour pencil artwork, sun & moon abstract by Juliet Fay 2020

This piece is in a new style for me, neither prose nor poetry, inspired by the writing of Bernadine Evaristo, author of Booker Prize joint winner with Girl, Woman, Other. In the book she uses no capital letters, just line breaks. I was amazed how quickly I got over the initial feeling of disruption and adjusted to it as the new normal.

Juliet Fay is a poet and Three Principles facilitator and local admin of a Buy Nothing Project group. Subscribe to her list to hear news of gatherings (virtual for now), and receive original writing and artwork direct to your inbox. Find out about being mentored by Juliet or Wellbeing Sessions

Dealing with Exhaustion

Here’s what we explored:

  • we can get so busy we miss the small miracles
  • urgency can become a habit. It is a state of mind
  • whatever state of mind you’re in, that will be your experience
  • having all the time in the world is a state of mind. It’s internal, not external
  • the possibility of feeling sped up but also peaceful
  • we need our ego to function but we don’t need to overly identify with it
  • playing at the game of life is easier when we recognise it as a game
  • being amped up we can fear the crash which ironically feeds the crash
  • it is how we relate to our feeling states that determine how much we suffer
  • not being 9-5 people – not wasting judgement gives more freedom
  • excess judgement around e.g. traffic congestion adds to our exhaustion
  • what sort of world would it be if we met everyone with interested curiosity?
  • holding our masks in place is exhausting and leads to suffering and isolation
  • sometimes we put a lot on being seen as pleasant, calm, wise, kind
  • we can get uncomfortable with the parts of us that don’t match up
  • we are far more than any of our traits
  • accepting our full messy, nuanced human-ness helps us drop the mask
  • If you’re not accepted for who you are because of race, sexuality, religious beliefs or other factors, dropping the mask can look dangerous
  • as you peel away the masks you discover more of your True self
  • as we are more authentic we start to see others for who they really are
  • look to where you have influence, model the behaviour you want to see
  • the risk in speaking up, if you are white, is some emotional discomfort
  • if you are black or brown speaking up may risk physical and bodily harm
  • the primitive brain has 2 primary priorities: to keep us safe and conserve energy
  • finding excessive gentleness for ourselves helps us drop the masks
  • women can sometimes demand that men don’t show vulnerability
  • men can demand that women be soft and gentle
  • neither allows the full experience of being human
  • violence is in othering – internally with parts of ourselves and toward others
  • there is something beyond our feeling states, something unchanging
  • getting more still, getting into your heart, relaxing psychologically
  • stop over-identifying with thoughts that are unhelpful
  • othering is about separation
  • our essence cannot be destroyed
  • we forget the grandeur of who we truly are and how we are all connected
  • let’s be excessively gentle with ourselves
  • Sydney Banks talks of life being a contact sport
  • joy as a powerful act of activism

Thank you for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, please do leave a review and share on your networks.

Quote/sources

For one who is exhausted, a blessing, a poem by John O’Donohue

The Colby Index – measures how you prefer to get stuff done in the world

“Life is like any other contact sport. You may encounter hardships of one sort or another. Wise people find happiness not in the absence of such hardships but in their ability to understand them when they occur.” ~ p.124 The Missing Link – Reflections on Philosophy and Spirit by Sydney Banks

Be sure to tune in next time!

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

Website – CarlaRoyal.com

Facebook – Carla Royal Coach

Linkedin – Carla Royal

Instagram – CarlaRoyalCoach

Sign up to receive Carla’s weekly newsletter for inspiration, motivation, and tips for living with more ease and flow – Subscribe 

CONNECT WITH JULIET

Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

Sign up for her latest insights, essays, poems and inspirational programmes direct to your inbox – Subscribe

Website – Solcare

Instagram- Juliet Faye

Facebook – Solcare

CONNECT WITH US!

If you love The Riffing on Realness Podcast, rate the podcast and/or write us a review! 

You can do that HERE ! Don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE so you don’t miss out on new episodes dropping every week. And don’t forget to share it with your friends!

Thank you for listening and being a part of this community! It means a lot to us!

Finally, are their topics you’d like us to cover? Please let us know.

Dealing with Reactivity

Here’s what we explored:

  • there’s a LOT going on in the world and at some level, we’re using up mental energy just trying to make sense of a world that is changing fast
  • acknowledging that our capacity may seem diminished is a good first step
  • we may all be carrying more stress under the surface than we realise
  • noticing you’re more reactive is a sign that we’re running more stressful thinking than we may realise
  • giving ourselves a break and giving others a break can be really helpful just now
  • our brains tend to look for safety and so we can be running a lot of thinking about safety and security in the face of all the unrest we perceive. The brain likes what’s familiar because it can conserve energy and not work so hard. It doesn’t like uncertainty.
  • there’s information in the fact of feeling stressed but it may not be the information we think
  • we tend to want to think we have to wade in and try to fix all our problems which often look huge and difficult
  • yet we begin to see we’re not very well equipped to deal with those so-called problems when we’re stressed, we tend to lack clarity, access to common sense and perspective. But we know that, right?
  • being more reactive than usual suggests we’re experiencing stressful thinking and that can be a little alarm call that the system needs a tune-up like an engine that’s running at too fast an idle speed (which also wears out the engine)
  • when you’re at the effect of stressful thinking, anxious thinking, or some other state that feels tense, you can acknowledge it, even give a sentence or two about it
  • but you can’t focus on the problem and the solution at the same time, for example, if your car breaks down when you have to get to the airport. So if we go into catastrophizing about what will happen now e.g. missing the flight, then there is no space for solutions to arise e.g. get a taxi, call a neighbour
  • when the engine idle speed is too fast, it’s like having your foot on the gas in neutral. To slow the engine down all we need to do is take our foot off the gas
  • our psychological system wants to come back into equilibrium just as our physical body rallies to heal if we get e.g. a minor cut. It will do that if we get out of the way.
  • Carla notices her own thinking has settled down during this podcast
  • exponential thinking is when we pile on more and more negative thinking on top of the basic fact e.g the car won’t start, then we add all this meaning: why is this happening? it always happens to me. That comes from the past or catastrophizing into the future.
  • when we wake up to how we can pile things on and stress ourselves out it helps us ‘take our foot off the gas’
  • accessing fresh ideas and clarity is difficult when we’re really steamed up or agitated.
  • when you have a lot on your mind, reactivity is likely. With a very full cup, if you pour more water in, it’s going to overflow.
  • realizing this is what is going on, can help us give more grace to ourselves and others
  • when you’re in a state of distress, the first and only thing to pay attention to is letting your mind come down to a more settled state
  • on the other side of the reactivity when you’re more settled is where the helpful stuff can arise
  • for example: in the middle of frustration it’s going to be really hard to find solutions eg for Carla with her Instagram account, but when the frustration calms down, new thinking will arise
  • what about situations that feel more urgent, or important, is there a way to take your foot off the gas and settle your thinking?
  • box breathing is a technique, breathing into the count of four, holding to the count of four and breathing out to the count of four and holding to the count of four can be helpful at times
  • curiously in a ‘real’ crisis, people often find clarity and they know exactly what to do, they could deal with it and cope with it. Conversely, when there wasn’t big stuff going on they could find they experienced more anxiety and less clarity
  • people in conflict zones or emergency rooms often have immense clarity and simply act, doing what they see to do. That is because they have don’t have a lot of thinking on their minds.
  • whereas when we have a lot of thinking on our minds, we can have a lot of commentary, self-criticism which clouds our mind, as if that self-conscious part of ourselves, our little self or the persona or ego wants to run things
  • so it looks as if we can really trust ourselves, there is something bigger than us, that is living us and even when that ego gets into the driving seat and we can suffer, we mostly still find our way
  • a shift in thought, can give us a new perspective at any time, even something as simple, as, “I’ll leave this alone and do something else for now”, can be the perfect solution for that moment.
  • Elizabeth Gilbert talks about welcoming the voice of fear, the ego but making sure it gets in the back seat, not getting too identified with it.
  • when you focus on the problem, that’s all you see: it’s the same with our ego, when we give that a lot of oxygen, when we over-identify with it, then it gets louder. Even then we can find our way through. All of it is ALL made of thought
  • who we think we are is not fixed, it changes all the time – and what does that tell us?
  • making peace with what’s happening AND with our overactive ego
  • it’s comical to see how the flavours of reactivity are very similar: irritable, mean, short-tempered, withdrawing, snappy, grumpy – we’re all the same with a few variations
  • when you get a bunch of stressed and reactive people together and it goes BOOM. If just one person sees what’s going on, it can lead to that settling, that moment of clarity and something different might occur: even just keeping our mouths shut
  • this is the human condition and to pretend it isn’t is a type of spiritual bypassing
  • that persona/ego can be loud and obnoxious and it just wants to be heard
  • taking our foot off the gas and allowing curiosity to arise to find what treasure and gift might be there
  • one way of talking about what the Three Principles is pointing at is simply love and understanding and there is no place of reactivity where love and understanding wouldn’t help. If we can’t extend love and understanding to ourselves; it is hard to find it for others
  • love and compassion is closer than we think, just take our foot off the gas pedal

Quote/sources

Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic

What is Spiritual bypassing

Three Principles

Be sure to tune in next time!

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

Website – CarlaRoyal.com

Facebook – Carla Royal Coach

Linkedin – Carla Royal

Instagram – CarlaRoyalCoach

Sign up to receive Carla’s weekly newsletter for inspiration, motivation, and tips for living with more ease and flow – Subscribe 

CONNECT WITH JULIET

Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

Sign up for her latest insights, essays, poems and inspirational programmes direct to your inbox – Subscribe

Website – Solcare

Instagram- Juliet Faye

Facebook – Solcare

CONNECT WITH US!

If you love The Riffing on Realness Podcast, rate the podcast and/or write us a review! 

You can do that HERE ! Don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE so you don’t miss out on new episodes dropping every week. And don’t forget to share it with your friends!

Thank you for listening and being a part of this community! It means a lot to us!

Finally, are their topics you’d like us to cover? Please let us know.