Interruptions Happen | How to Flow Through Them

Here’s what we explored:

  • it’s interesting to notice how we make up stories about interruptions
  • when we are quick to judge others and ourselves we often get reactive
  • our podcast gives us a chance to come on our recordings as we are, feeling all the feels
  • we hope to encourage our listeners to also give themselves a little grace
  • maybe we should plan for interruptions like we do when traveling to important meetings
  • interruptions always happen so maybe we should add buffer time for them, instead of being shocked they happen
  • we know we can’t control the traffic so it’s just logical to allow extra time
  • why not put lots of time around every task or appointment in your diary?
  • we’re rewarded for ticking boxes on our to-do list and we can internalise that and prioritise quantity over quality
  • Carla talks of working with a client who hated interruptions and he started to realise he was just trying to do too much
  • he began to block his time differently
  • Carla hates being late and hates waiting for others
  • she made an adjustment to her coaching agreement to tell clients she would only wait for 5 minutes after the start of a scheduled call unless she hears from someone
  • an easy adjustment that makes it clear for her clients and reduces her suffering
  • punctuality is an interesting place to look at the separate realities operating
  • when people are late to meet us, we can make up stories about not being respected, not being valued when in fact chronic lateness is often created by totally unrelated issues
  • another client of Carla’s takes care of customers in a company that has a no refund policy
  • clients do ask for refunds and it makes this client mad but with Carla’s help he’s begun to catch himself
  • once you consider someone else might be dealing with all kinds of life challenges eg sickness, a divorce, a work issue, we can begin to find compassion
  • from a place of understanding and compassion, we are more open to wisdom and inspiration
  • in the Buy Nothing group Juliet co-admins, she’s noticed the wide range of communication styles and tries to foster a feeling of goodwill and understanding
  • when we get stuck in our version of things, our way is the right way, there isn’t much possibility of meeting in the middle
  • the difference between niceness and kindness: niceness is making the other person feel good all the time whereas kindness is about respecting your own boundaries and being truthful
  • Carla noticed the comedy the other day: she was having a hard day and was snappy and irritable with her friend who got upset. Then she got more upset.
  • Juliet notices when she’s very tired, her mind gets very busy, almost as if being tired is a threat to her safety. Her system goes looking for trouble, with the ‘what’s wrong?’ goggles
  • she sees how illogical it is: being very tired and getting more vigilant
  • do we have to do that?
  • is there a space where we can drop that busyness, knowing it’s not helpful?
  • when Pedro had his back surgery, he would growl at other dogs that approached (not something he usually does)
  • is there something appropriate in ‘growling!’
  • is it helpful to let people know where you are?
  • many people in business feel they always have to be ‘on it’ which is toxic
  • why are we so afraid to share and be real and vulnerable?
  • attitudes to mental health are changing which is good news
  • the minute you actually express you’re having a hard day, there’s a release, especially if we’re met with understanding
  • it’s very helpful to see how state of mind plays out around complaints or interruptions
  • when the person we are with is in a low state of mind and we drop into a low state of mind too, we end up with a battleground
  • can we experiment with spinning a more positive story to account for people’s behaviour, giving people the benefit of doubt?
  • discerning where it is safe to share how we are doing
  • what about with ourselves? isn’t that a great place to acknowledge if we are up against it and give ourselves a bit of grace
  • in a strung-out state of mind, everything is harder
  • when we don’t extend that grace to ourselves and get really self-critical then we’re going to get judgemental of others
  • we can get interrupted by events and our own emotions. They happen all day long
  • Carla shares how a wave of grief just washed in after a good day of work and how she was able to just let it roll through
  • when we try and tightly control our day, we’re setting ourselves up for a fall
  • it may look like we have no alternative: “I have a huge to do list”
  • but that internally generated pressure comes from what we think about our to do list rather than the actual tasks
  • when we focus our attention on just what is in front of us, we take off layers and layers of additional thinking which makes it easier to move through activities
  • being very reactive to interruption, is it actually the interruption to our task or what we make of this interruption?
  • we are constantly running scenarios, like a soap opera script – such a dramatic brain
  • it’s not inevitable you have to be in a busy headspace when you’re at work tasks
  • we can wrongly assume working effectively has to come with a sense of stress and adrenaline
  • what would happen if we just gave ourselves entirely over to the interruption?
  • Carla gave an example of how she managed to pivot when she needed to take up an emergency vet appointment
  • having boundaries around when you can and can’t be interrupted. Reflect on this and see what you need to do to make that so

Quotes and sources

  • ‘Expectations are resentments under constructions’, Anne Lamott
  • Steve Chandler on expectations versus agreements, Carla shares this with her clients
  • The Shallows: How the Internet Is Changing the Way We Think, Read and Remember
    by Nicholas Carr, Paul Michael Garcia, et al.
  • Your Brain at Work, Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long by David Rock

Thank you for listening, we’d love to hear from you. Get in touch via the comments and tell us what lands for you. Go ahead and share the podcast link on social. 

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high-achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

Website – CarlaRoyal.com

Facebook – Carla Royal Coach

Linkedin – Carla Royal

Instagram – CarlaRoyalCoach

Sign up to receive Carla’s weekly newsletter for inspiration, motivation, and tips for living with more ease and flow – Subscribe 

CONNECT WITH JULIET

Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

Sign up for her latest insights, essays, poems, and inspirational programmes direct to your inbox – Subscribe

Website – Solcare

Instagram- Juliet Faye

Facebook – Solcare

CONNECT WITH US!

If you love The Riffing on Realness Podcast, rate the podcast and/or write us a review! 

You can do that HERE ! Don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE so you don’t miss out on new episodes dropping every week. And don’t forget to share it with your friends!

Thank you for listening and being a part of this community! It means a lot to us!

Finally, are there topics you’d like us to cover? Please let us know.

The Importance of Recalibration

Here’s what we explored:

  • how fun it is to just riff and dive in
  • making space to wonder what’s new and fresh rather than getting stuck in stale habits of mind
  • we can notice stale habits of mind that make us feel yuck but also we can be stuck in more ‘positive’ assumptions eg I’m going on holiday, yay!
  • can throwing out some structure, help with recalibration, or maybe bringing in more structure could help?
  • Juliet describes feeling really tired after a couple of weekends of travel and meeting up with people after lockdown restrictions were eased
  • she got curious about how exhausted she was and what was up with that?
  • she recognised she has got quieter inside over the last year and it would be easy to think she should speed up, get with the programme, but is that the only view?
  • as the mind quietens we can get much more sensitive to stimulation of the mind in a way we wouldn’t have noticed before
  • Carla wonders, is this similar for extroverts? Anecdotally, Juliet hears many, including extroverts, are finding ‘re-entry’ a little bumpy.
  • when we re-engage with old situations, it’s interesting to notice how old habits of thought can kick in, which have perhaps been mostly absent over the last year or so
  • Juliet explains how a busy mind is like an engine revving really hard while idling (so it’s not going anywhere).
  • Previously, Juliet’s idle speed was very high. She didn’t know it was high. It just felt normal.
  • when you step on the gas, and your revs are already high, it’s not actually that big a movement
  • when the engine is revving much less, even a moderate increase in revs can feel like a big deal
  • so it is with the mind: when the mind is generally quieter, even a little mental busyness can feel much more intense than it used to.
  • Carla chimes in, when you’re revving the engine in neutral, it’s not good for the engine.
  • to stop revving, you just have to take your foot off the gas: leave your busy thoughts alone (as best you can)
  • Carla notices these days, if she feels a little anxious, it feels awful. Whereas before she used to feel anxious most of the time but hardly noticed because it was just the way it was
  • taking a moment to sit on the bank of yourself, to pause, reflect, and allow our mind to come back into equilibrium
  • don’t be so quick to judge your reactions as you pick up the threads of your lives
  • sometimes people wake up dramatically to how busy their minds are, in the midst of a crisis
  • for many others, there is a gradual, incremental quietening down of the body-mind system
  • it’s helpful to look at this greater sensitivity to disturbance and clarify what might be going on.
  • you may not have noticed that you’ve been generally living in a quieter, nicer feeling (not all the time)
  • there can be intelligence in anxiety or tiredness eg, we are caught up in our stressful stories and I’m not aware, we need to take a rest
  • as the system settles down, these episodes can be little alarm clocks to wakes us up to being off centre
  • when it was all-consuming (as Carla and Juliet have experienced), there’s no awareness of anything but being in the drama
  • it’s not about ignoring feelings but acknowledging them and riding them out as best we can
  • as things quieten down, sometimes we might catch a glimpse of a particular habit of thought eg irritation or judgment has latched on to a situation
  • it’s cool when we see this at play because then we realise, this is only one experience out of an infinite number of experiences
  • Juliet doesn’t feel re-calibrating is being done by her but is happening under the surface
  • we have big and small moments of waking up to all sorts of things eg around race, consciousness, etc
  • our system has to catch up and settle into these new perspectives
  • we can get in the way of that re-calibration
  • true change doesn’t generally happen through tools and techniques
  • true change comes from insight, an epiphany, or a shift in our understanding
  • we can’t make insight happen but we can create the conditions for insight
  • Carla uses the metaphor of a butterfly for insight. If you flail your arms around, it is less likely the butterfly will land on you.
  • how can we make the conditions fertile for insight?
  • Carla sees getting caught in her own stories of success or failure are her biggest obstacles to peace of mind
  • for Carla, it comes down to helping her mind relax, take things off her mind eg catching herself in her stories, meditation, breathing techniques, being in nature to calm down her nervous system
  • we get ourselves totally embroiled in our stories which can be disturbing, terrifying, depressing
  • at one level Juliet sensed she was causing her own distress but didn’t know how to stop, so she used that idea to further judge herself
  • what’s true is when we are very distressed, thinking more and more about our distress doesn’t get us anywhere
  • we, as human beings, are built for insight
  • every fresh idea you’ve ever had has just popped in your head. Where did they come from?
  • what helps Juliet is being in conversation with people who are speaking and listening from a quieter, deeper, and more peaceful space
  • when you start to really see things for yourself, things begin to recalibrate
  • one of the most helpful things Juliet kept hearing was: look at what is, instead of what isn’t
  • notice how, in a low state, we focus on what’s wrong with ourselves, others, our relationships, our work, our dinner
  • looking towards what’s ‘right’ can be a helpful way to shift our focus
  • Carla recounts how rubbish she felt the day before, dealing with some physical flare-ups
  • for a few hours she was stuck in it, then she noticed her dog Pedro was feeling bad with his tail between his legs
  • in that moment, as her focus shifted to her dog, who she loves to bits, her self-pity shifted and her suffering lifted even though the physical symptoms persisted
  • we begin to see that the extra suffering we heap onto life’s events comes from the stories we make up and believe about the events
  • how much choice do we have about where we put our attention?
  • Juliet would have said there were times she could deliberately put her attention here or there, and other times she couldn’t help where her attention stays
  • Carla notices there are times when she can’t move her attention away from her stories and other times she just doesn’t want to move her attention
  • She wants to feel outraged or angry or mean! Such a great catch to see this!
  • Carla shares a story of working with a team in a company and helping them see how a shift in perspective around down months can release energy, enthusiasm, and fresh ideas. They were able to re-calibrate
  • when we find a more settled and secure place inside, when it gets stronger, you can look out at the world and see treasure and gifts in everything rather than when we look out from insecurity where we see everything and everyone as a potential threat
  • from that space of deeper equanimity, we get to see that how we feel doesn’t matter as much as we thought
  • how we feel is always in flux, always changing
  • from a state of more spaciousness, we find we have what we need to navigate through life with all its challenges
  • sometimes, a restart or recalibration, like restarting the computer, may be all we need

Thank you for listening. If you love the podcast, get in touch and tell us what lands for you. Go ahead and share the podcast link on social. Questions? Topics? We love questions and topic suggestions. Send them via the comments.

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high-achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

Website – CarlaRoyal.com

Facebook – Carla Royal Coach

Linkedin – Carla Royal

Instagram – CarlaRoyalCoach

Sign up to receive Carla’s weekly newsletter for inspiration, motivation, and tips for living with more ease and flow – Subscribe 

CONNECT WITH JULIET

Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

Sign up for her latest insights, essays, poems, and inspirational programmes direct to your inbox – Subscribe

Website – Solcare

Instagram- Juliet Faye

Facebook – Solcare

CONNECT WITH US!

If you love The Riffing on Realness Podcast, rate the podcast and/or write us a review! 

You can do that HERE ! Don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE so you don’t miss out on new episodes dropping every week. And don’t forget to share it with your friends!

Thank you for listening and being a part of this community! It means a lot to us!

Finally, are there topics you’d like us to cover? Please let us know.

Boundaries: The How and Why of Boundaries (without angst)

Here’s what we explored:

  • Carla shares how for her, a trauma response can be to isolate, to stay away from anything that might trigger a trauma response
  • Carla shares she has a tendency to just say no automatically
  • and she can stay quiet about something she wants
  • but also she notices she can be very clear about what she wants
  • in some areas, her boundaries are very clear and help her feel safe
  • but staying in her little isolated world can be confining
  • sometimes women have more difficulty setting boundaries than men
  • Juliet, on the other hand, can often automatically say yes (especially with loved ones) even when it’s not in her best interests
  • we notice when we have clarity, it comes from a deeper knowing, without all the analysis and pros and cons
  • an automatic yes or no can be about not wanting to disappoint ourselves or others
  • saying yes or no for the wrong reasons can have negative ramifications
  • getting used to saying, “let me get back to you” can create a little space around making a decision, so we can let things settle and give clarity a chance to emerge
  • what happens when we set a boundary, we are clear about and then someone doesn’t like the boundary and pushes against it?
  • Carla shares how she can get so caught up in the idea of people being mad at her
  • we can go to great lengths and get really bent out of shape, to try and avoid the discomfort of people being upset with us, not liking us
  • can we extend our imagination to the other side of feeling lousy and someone being upset with us?
  • in fact, people get upset. We get upset. Everyone gets upset now and then.
  • can we get comfortable with people being upset, mad, disappointed with us?
  • can we recognise that we like to catastrophize but in fact, these feelings roll in and roll out?
  • what if when we set strong boundaries, wonderful things could happen?
  • why not imagine a pleasant future?
  • interesting to look at what we are putting on it all, what’s at stake?
  • when we think someone else’s upset can truly and utterly and irrevocably disturb our peace of mind then it’s logical to go to great lengths to avoid upset
  • when we realise that life has ups and downs whatever we do, we begin to see there is a deeper dimension to us that is unaffected by the ups and downs
  • when we reflect on where peace of mind truly comes from we can hold  the issue of boundaries more lightly
  • and that clarity comes through to others
  • Carla talks about her friend, who’s no longer with us, who had impeccable boundaries “I can’t see you today; I’m reading today”.
  • Although Carla felt disappointed she also knew when her friend did say yes, she knew her friend would be totally available for her.
  • from that clear place, Carla’s friend set a great example for her
  • we can get caught in wanting to explain our position, and have others understand. We can go on and on and never get that understanding. We can get stuck there.
  • some great advice Carla was given: stop explaining, get clear on what you want, and move from that place
  • when we need others’ understanding to validate our experience or our instincts we can get really lost looking for something that doesn’t exist or matter because the only validation we need is from ourselves
  • our experience is valid simply because we are experiencing it
  • when we feel judged by others (and usually it is really being judged by ourself), we can get stuck and lose clarity
  • self-doubt adds layers and layers of thinking which causes so much more suffering
  • when we try to deal with self-doubt by battling, arguing, denying or suppressing, it doesn’t really work. It doesn’t go away
  • however as we tune into something deeper, those doubts get less compelling, easier to ignore because we realise that’s not all there is
  • we invite listeners to just notice what’s going on in your head, without judgment if you can. It puts a little distance between you and the experience
  • the culture (wider or our family culture) can seem to add layers of judgment so you come by your self-criticism innocently, you can have a lot of compassion for yourself
  • sometimes we get an epiphany and something like self-doubt can fall away in an instant; often it happens more incrementally. We notice those feelings are quieter, come up less often.
  • we can go on a wild goose chase looking into every possible cause of why we feel lousy: upbringing, genetics, work, relationships, money, diet, exercise. It can be a never-ending cycle of trying to improve
  • Juliet wonders if there isn’t a way in which we enjoy that merry-go-round
  • drama in our lives can make us feel alive, even though it’s horrible and painful
  • how honest are we willing to be with ourselves about our attachment to our habitual ways of thinking?
  • can we muse, wonder, get curious about that?
  • Juliet talks about hating the idea of a dull life when she was younger
  • nowadays Juliet experiences a very different kind of quiet joy which may have been there in moments but good times tended to be very adrenalin-fuelled
  • if our identity is tied up around the negative drama, it can feel very threatening to the ego to dismantle that
  • for Carla, she had a desperately dramatic internal life
  • she feels like she gave up the drama and decided she wasn’t going to have the highs and lows but chose instead a place of numbing out or shutting down
  • now for the third time, Carla feels like she is reinventing herself
  • for the years Carla went to neutral, she feels she needed that to calm down a very jacked up nervous system
  • Juliet suggested maybe it is the pendulum swing from hyper-activated to numbed out and now Carla may be discovering a place of more equilibrium somewhere in between
  • when there is so much on what we feel, we can get very tangled, confused, and busy with meaning, stories, judgment, and opinions
  • when we touch something deeper, constant, unaffected by our changing feelings, we start to experience life more unfiltered, which gives an unimaginable richness to everyday life
  • co-creating with this lifeforce coursing through us, that is the path
  • it’s not about figuring all this out
  • our getting clear around boundaries is such a gift to others, as well as ourselves
  • as the system settles down, it gets clearer and easier to set and hold to boundaries

Thank you for listening. Send us your comments, questions, and ideas for future topics. If you love the podcast, do leave a review and share the podcast link on social. It helps make it more visible to others. Thank you!

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high-achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

Website – CarlaRoyal.com

Facebook – Carla Royal Coach

Linkedin – Carla Royal

Instagram – CarlaRoyalCoach

Sign up to receive Carla’s weekly newsletter for inspiration, motivation, and tips for living with more ease and flow – Subscribe 

CONNECT WITH JULIET

Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

Sign up for her latest insights, essays, poems, and inspirational programmes direct to your inbox – Subscribe

Website – Solcare

Instagram- Juliet Faye

Facebook – Solcare

CONNECT WITH US!

If you love The Riffing on Realness Podcast, rate the podcast and/or write us a review! 

You can do that HERE ! Don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE so you don’t miss out on new episodes dropping every week. And don’t forget to share it with your friends!

Thank you for listening and being a part of this community! It means a lot to us!

Finally, are there topics you’d like us to cover? Please let us know.

When Your Boat Sinks | Life Doesn’t Go as Planned

Here’s what we explored:

  • Carla tells the story of her little, much-loved boat, called Freida, which recently sank and has to be scrapped
  • she reflects on the emotions she felt as the experience unfolded
  • she noticed how others’ calmness and kindness really helped her nervous system relax little by little
  • she tells how she remembered the story of the Chinese Farmer who meets the twists and turns of life with, ‘maybe, maybe not’, even though his neighbours rush to exclaim on how wonderful, or how terrible, each event must be.
  • she recognises that the Freida was very old, not in the best condition, and appreciates how she’s learnt a great deal over this time
  • lots of lessons: about maybe, maybe not, non-attachment, impermanence, understanding privilege, kindness of others, navigating the nervous system, seeing resourcefulness and resilience
  • Frieda is gone, she can’t be revived
  • ‘we’ll see’, has been Juliet’s catchphrase of the pandemic
  • the capacity for drama is always available for us humans, we can make a drama out of anything, but maybe our appetite for drama varies
  • there is drama we imagine, we read about, drama happening elsewhere, then drama right in front of us that looks more substantial
  • as Carla experienced this episode, there was a real movement of emotions, maybe helped by the lack of judgment
  • how we remember things is constantly changing: memory is not fixed. That’s a wonderful thing and gets Juliet curious
  • Carla recounts how she sees her parents in a totally different light these days
  • she understands where her mother was coming from now and wishes she could have had more grace with her when she was young
  • our memories are not accurate: they are our perception of what happened
  • Carla gives an example of ‘remembering’ naming their dog, Banana when she was three years old
  • in her fifties, she discovered, in fact, her sister named the dog Banana, not her!
  • discovering that our perception of the world is not accurate, can unravel us a little. what else might not be true?
  • the story of our lives is made up of highlights and lowlights and these are highly selective!
  • there’s no objective truth of life, nothing you could map, as with the course of a ship
  • if that’s true of our own lives, how on earth do we think we could really know any other  person’s life?
  • how do those stories capture the heart and essence of another person, or ourselves?
  • our memories are impermanent, as is everything in life
  • Carla gives an example of one of her clients who worries about his young children barging into work calls
  • the pressure to present a perfect image causes suffering (looks like it’s fed from social media)
  • to model being human, being vulnerable and real, is a very powerful form of leadership
  • what if an interruption is, in fact, a gift?
  • at a deep level, we know we can’t control everything, can we just drop the controlling?
  • Carla sees people do believe they can control their lives, thinking, if they have eg enough money, the right relationship, the right address then they will feel secure and successful
  • the recent severe storms created devastation in affluent neighbourhoods of the US. A stark reminder that we have far less control than we think we do
  • the more we can drop the illusion of control, the more ease we can find
  • Carla noticed she was able to go with the unfolding of the boat saga (mostly), even finding herself laughing at times
  • showing up more authentically and vulnerably is a gift to those around us
  • it is toxic (and exhausting) to always be pretending. It is damaging and a burden. Can we drop it?
  • we know we’re not going to live forever, you might want your home to be your forever home but we know we cannot guarantee that, we know our work or businesses thriving is not something we can guarantee
  • in the final analysis we will lose everything: either through death or something else
  • even though we know that, we live as if this wasn’t the case
  • what do we get out of living that way?
  • it takes up a lot of mental energy, is it partly just habit?
  • if you correlate working hard and stress as a sign you are doing the ‘right’ thing, then trying to control could feel ‘good’ or at least comfortable
  • what would be left, if we weren’t trying to control everything?
  • the primitive part of the brain wants to keep us safe even though safety is an illusion
  • Carla talks about the birds who live in the present moment, without thought about the past or future
  • they don’t make stories about themselves, life, or time
  • what gets in the way of living more in the present moment?
  • we don’t see or trust our own resilience
  • we don’t trust the natural order (God, higher intelligence, Life Force)
  • primitive fear of being kicked out of the tribe
  • we submit to perceived expectations that look as if they are important for our security
  • being at the mercy of those expectations can create a great deal of pressure
  • we can spend a great deal of mental energy, wondering whether we’re doing the right thing or having the right inner experience especially in comparison with our peers, people we admire or our competitors
  • do we have to have our experiences validated by others all the time?
  • what if we plow our own furrow?
  • can you notice the times in your lives when you’ve acted on a nudge or instinct, a quiet knowing without needing others’ approval?
  • what takes us away from listening to, appreciating, and honouring those quiet knowings?
  • we get distracted by our own busy thinking or the business out in the world
  • can you notice how one state feels quiet and calm; the other urgent and racy. Is urgent and racy a signal to wake up to the fact we’re caught up?
  • when we struggle to follow our own path because we fear shame and judgment (our own and others), we exist with a lot of mental burden which is exhausting
  • it can take courage to march to your own rhythm
  • the world needs people to show up and follow their own instincts
  • an invitation for our listeners to observe and get curious if you could drop the conflict, what would happen if you did?
  • would there be more ease and flow?
  • keep sitting on the bank of ourselves and let go, again and again
  • to be in the presence of people who are utterly themselves is an invitation to others to settle and find that in themselves.

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high-achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

Website – CarlaRoyal.com

Facebook – Carla Royal Coach

Linkedin – Carla Royal

Instagram – CarlaRoyalCoach

Sign up to receive Carla’s weekly newsletter for inspiration, motivation, and tips for living with more ease and flow – Subscribe 

CONNECT WITH JULIET

Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

Sign up for her latest insights, essays, poems, and inspirational programmes direct to your inbox – Subscribe

Website – Solcare

Instagram- Juliet Faye

Facebook – Solcare

CONNECT WITH US!

If you love The Riffing on Realness Podcast, rate the podcast and/or write us a review! 

You can do that HERE ! Don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE so you don’t miss out on new episodes dropping every week. And don’t forget to share it with your friends!

Thank you for listening and being a part of this community! It means a lot to us!

Finally, are there topics you’d like us to cover? Please let us know.

Procrastination: What Can We See with Fresh Eyes?

Here’s what we explored:

  • what if procrastination isn’t a problem?
  • what if, instead, it’s a superpower!
  • what if in fact, you need to race the clock to get inspired and motivated like Carla?
  • what if we stopped judging and making ourselves wrong for procrastinating?
  • we invite you to experiment for yourselves
  • what if you lean into your procrastination and harness that energy
  • on the other hand for some racing against the clock adds so much more stress
  • so what’s up with that?
  • we unconsciously accept the idea that procrastination is a ‘bad thing’
  • it’s not what we do (or don’t do) it’s what we make of what we do that creates suffering or ease
  • when we argue with ourselves (and our experience) we just drain ourselves, using up tonnes of mental energy
  • ‘deadlinitus’, any other fellow sufferers?
  • sometimes changing the word can help e.g. incubation
  • sometimes we procrastinate because the project isn’t ready or we’re not ready
  • begin to notice how often new information comes in which changes the way you tackle a project or fundamentally changes the direction
  • if you hadn’t procrastinated you wouldn’t have caught that fresh input
  • in how many areas do we have invisible assumptions and beliefs which set us up for mental conflict?
  • when we get caught in turmoil it can be helpful to take a look further back, what is behind your ‘yes’
  • why did you say yes?
  • maybe deep down we don’t want to do it, we can’t do it or we don’t have the resources to do it
  • we may know intuitively that we want to say no, but over-ride it and say yes
  • obligations and expectations can cause us to say yes when we ‘no’ is more aligned
  • some people say yes to everything and can get resentful but still follow through
  • some people say no to everything, protective of their energy and capacity and maybe miss out
  • in either case, slowing down and checking in with ourselves can help get more clarity about what we do and don’t want to do
  • wouldn’t it be lovely if we got in the habit of saying, ‘let me get back to you’, in business, in families, at school?
  • it would be a model for others, our partners, our kids, employees and our clients
  • asking for space to get clear in yourself can be so helpful for you as an individual
  • even more helpful if you are a leader
  • the willingness to not know is the sign of a great leader
  • what if we turn not knowing on its head, instead of being a negative thing, it is a superpower
  • what if ‘not knowing’ is a fertile space
  • when we step away from the battle in our head we get to sit on the bank on ourselves
  • what if we made pausing, reflecting, sitting on the bank of ourselves, the role of experts and leaders?
  • at times we procrastinate because we are frightened, afraid to dive in, then we can scare ourselves more and more and when that happens, Carla finds it better to take care of the task
  • when the unfinished task sits on your mind, it can get VERY heavy
  • Juliet used to pull all-nighters at university to finish essays and then when she was a copywriter, she realised she had to find a new way
  • she came up with a very structured way of tackling multiple copywriting projects
  • all-nighters were very adrenaline-fuelled
  • the structured process was very tightly controlled
  • nowadays Juliet has less on her mind around procrastination so it isn’t so excruciating
  • we spend a lot of energy trying to curate our lives to look presentable to others (as we imagine they want)
  • expectations always disappoint and can make you feel bad
  • expectations are also not very clear, you have to try and suss it out
  • agreements on the other hand are co-created and so much clearer
  • when we have expectations we often don’t account for the other person’s perspective, everyone is living in their separate reality
  • to make good agreements, you have to be clear and willing to involve the other person and be willing to change the agreement
  • expectations are not always voiced so you are asking someone else to be a mind reader
  • when you get into a conversation to make agreements, you may discover things you didn’t know or don’t like
  • murky expectations can also be part of why we procrastinate
  • when we’re lost in murky resentments everything is going to feel yuck
  • sometimes you start a project full of resentment but after half an hour you notice it’s gone. Our thoughts have shifted; we are absorbed in the endeavour
  • other times, we start a project and keep distracting ourselves, unwilling to stay with the task, the resentment hangs around like a bad smell
  • perfectionism can be a cause of procrastination
  • Carla has found that going for 80% perfect has been really helpful
  • separate realities is a great place to explore in more and more places and more and more depth
  • what if we met everyone’s experience with curiosity?
  • what if we met our procrastination with a bunch of curiosity, not judgment or shame?

Quotes and References

  • Kolbe Index
  • I love deadlines, I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by‘, Douglas Adams
  • Steve Chandler, Supercoach, audio Expectations versus agreements
  • ‘Expectations are resentments under construction’ Anne Lamott

Thank you for listening. We’d love to hear your procrastination stories, so drop us a line. If you like this podcast, please rate, review and share it. It all helps spread the word, we appreciate it.

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high-achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

Website – CarlaRoyal.com

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CONNECT WITH JULIET

Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

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Website – Solcare

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