Getting Real Around Emotions

Here’s what we explored:

  • Feeling all kinds of emotions at the same time and how that doesn’t need to be a problem
  • We can feel curious and terrified, happy and sad
  • simply feeling emotions rather than analysing and judging them, enables them to flow more freely
  • when we get stuck, is when we get overly attached to the meaning we’re making of how we’re feeling
  • we have an incredible capacity to simply feel our emotions
  • we get in trouble when we split off from that and go into analysis
  • there’s intelligence in our emotions, not meaning but intelligence
  • in deep grief there is love
  • in every emotion, at root, there is love
  • as we get more of a sense of our deeper essence, we get kinder towards our experience
  • what can stop us wanting to feel, is fearing losing control
  • more and more places where we are trying to hold on become visible
  • control dropping away is something Juliet fears and longs for all at the same time
  • just out of sight, is a huge expanse of love
  • control is all about fear and trying to keep the separate self, safe
  • control gives us an illusion of safety but actually holds us prisoner
  • hyper-analysis and judgment of our experience/how we feel can cause a whole lot of suffering
  • and yet, we can be kind there too
  • we’re noticing we can show up, feeling vulnerable and just see what happens, there’s nothing on it
  • there’s a gentleness available as we understand the nature of our experience deeper and deeper
  • when we don’t know, it can be a really fertile space if we can just rest there and not be freaked out by it
  • when we find ourselves in a situation when we can see you have no control it can be a reckoning, a kind of fork in the road. Can we surrender?
  • it causes a lot of stain on our system to try and hold on to control
  • there’s a lot of freedom in being able to have emotions and let them move through you freely
  • the nature of the human experience is ebb and flow: control and surrender; being in your heart or your head; fear and love
  • the storm always runs out of rain, even when we feel off centre, we can know we’ll come back
  • the awareness of something deeper begins to come more and more into the foreground
  • our emotions are simply inviting us to get present, to come into the present moment and experience them
  • Thank you for taking the time to listen. If you enjoy this podcast please share on your social networks and write a review to help others find it. We’re taking a break over the Summer so wherever you are, go well and look after each other.

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high-achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

Website – CarlaRoyal.com

Facebook – Carla Royal Coach

Linkedin – Carla Royal

Instagram – CarlaRoyalCoach

Sign up to receive Carla’s weekly newsletter for inspiration, motivation, and tips for living with more ease and flow – Subscribe 

CONNECT WITH JULIET

Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

Sign up for her latest insights, essays, poems, and inspirational programmes direct to your inbox – Subscribe

Website – Solcare

Instagram- Juliet Faye

Facebook – Solcare

CONNECT WITH US!

If you love The Riffing on Realness Podcast, rate the podcast and/or write us a review! 

You can do that HERE ! Don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE so you don’t miss out on new episodes dropping every week. And don’t forget to share it with your friends!

Thank you for listening and being a part of this community! It means a lot to us!

Finally, are there topics you’d like us to cover? Please let us know.

Helping Others and Why It’s Tricky

Here’s what we explored:

  • when we listen for our own wisdom around problems, we get helpful fresh ideas that may include asking someone for help
  • if we identify help we need and then ask, that feels different from having others telling us what to do when we haven’t asked
  • ask how you can help. Don’t make assumptions about what someone wants and needs
  • we want our own capacity for returning to well-being to be recognised when people offer help
  • we also assume people can’t handle feeling distress
  • we can become frightened by others’ distress
  • often, without awareness, the reason we want others to feel better is because we need them to feel better so we can feel better
  • when we catch sight of this, we realise it is all about us!
  • do we really see, we are okay at a deeper essential level (and so is everyone else)?
  • Carla talks about when she had her breakdown-breakthrough, how her wisdom told her to let herself completely unravel, and then when everything was stripped back she felt her deeper essence
  • what people crave is a grounded presence
  • when our sense of ourselves gets interrupted, we may attempt to patch ourselves up and try to carry on as before
  • there is a terror of falling apart
  • being present with ourselves is an extraordinary gift
  • when we speak to someone as if they are whole, not broken, without judgment, we invite the other to find that place in themselves
  • ‘Why’ questions don’t usually give a satisfying answer – ‘why am I feeling this way?’
  • as we deeply realise we are more than our feelings, we get to take how we feel less seriously
  • there is an intelligence in our inner experience (all of it), you begin to get eyes for the wisdom of the moment – it’s alive
  • the difference between feeling our emotions and collapsing into our emotions
  • if we don’t reflect on why we want to help and ask others what help they want (if they know), then we’re not really being helpful
  • often we grab hold of the story because it’s a diversion, something to do.
  • it looks like it’s empathetic but it moves the focus away from the present
  • the point of lightening up is, not only do we feel better, we are more resourced to hear and act on our wisdom
  • often, our head is disconnected from our hearts
  • as we get more sense of a deeper dimension we get kinder towards our psychological experience
  • we don’t take how we feel so personally
  • when are low, we are usually living in the past and when we are feeling anxious often we are living in the future
  • coming back into the present can help us find equilibrium
  • as we wake up to the wild ways our dramatic brains go on, we get to take it less seriously
  • if you catch yourself trying to fix others, it’s a good place to sit and reflect on how much you can get present with your own distress
  • we’re human, we fall into our old tracks of thought but as we catch sight more and more of what’s going on, there’s a softening
  • we begin to see our ridiculousness with love and humour rather than judgement
  • being okay with whatever our experience is means we get to be okay with others, whatever experience they are having
  • the space of not knowing is fertile ground and we begin to get curious rather than fearful when we don’t know
  • come alongside others in support but without making demands
  • don’t underestimate the power of warmth and connection and being fully present with someone in distress

Quotes and References

  • webinar: Mavis Karn and Grace Kelly, Essential Selfishness
  • René Descartes, “I think therefore I am”

Thank you for listening, be sure to subscribe and share with friends.

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high-achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

Website – CarlaRoyal.com

Facebook – Carla Royal Coach

Linkedin – Carla Royal

Instagram – CarlaRoyalCoach

Sign up to receive Carla’s weekly newsletter for inspiration, motivation, and tips for living with more ease and flow – Subscribe 

CONNECT WITH JULIET

Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

Sign up for her latest insights, essays, poems, and inspirational programmes direct to your inbox – Subscribe

Website – Solcare

Instagram- Juliet Faye

Facebook – Solcare

CONNECT WITH US!

If you love The Riffing on Realness Podcast, rate the podcast and/or write us a review! 

You can do that HERE ! Don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE so you don’t miss out on new episodes dropping every week. And don’t forget to share it with your friends!

Thank you for listening and being a part of this community! It means a lot to us!

Finally, are there topics you’d like us to cover? Please let us know.

Decluttering Inside and Out

Here’s what we explored:

  • notice what habitually clutters your headspace, eg worry
  • notice what else you gather or hoard in your life or business, eg courses
  • holding on to clutter in the mind or in our space often comes from a sense of scarcity
  • we often hold on to things because we have a sense they may be needed one day
  • is the clutter a deluded way we try to keep ourselves safe?
  • putting good ideas out for recycling
  • making a parking space for good ideas
  • overwhelm and stress often makes clear decision making difficult, our brains get very dramatic
  • we have periods of indecision and uncertainty and then decisions do get made
  • there is an ebb and flow in our experience: clarity amid the clutter then back in the clutter
  • giving ourselves permission to go with that ebb and flow, get comfortable with it
  • often clarity comes on the flip side of things falling apart, of loss
  • releasing and surrendering to what is, often opens a beautiful space of clarity where there’s nothing on our mind
  • finding laughter, softening towards the antics of our dramatic brains and our ridiculousness opens up space
  • seriousness is a red flag, catching it in ourselves often lightens the mood
  • ask yourself, ‘if I was light-hearted in this situation, in what way would that be unhelpful?’
  • we experience the world not as it is, but via our perceptions
  • we don’t need to change the stories, seeing our stories about ourselves, others and the world is often enough for them to start to lose their grip
  • you begin to get a space for something that isn’t a better story but is beyond or before the stories
  • tools and techniques without understanding are just a distraction
  • with understanding, you need fewer and fewer tools and techniques
  • insight is what helps deepen understanding
  • when we are very results-focused, we are imagining what it would mean to achieve the results, but how can we know what the experience would actually be like?
  • notice how many inventive and creative ways we imagine will bring us relief, wellbeing, peace of mind, and security
  • once we identify ourselves with things outside ourselves eg money, relationships, physical health, material things, we suffer
  • as get less and less on our minds, life gets simpler and simpler
  • when we feel flat, paradoxically, our mind’s are very busy (even if we are not aware)
  • in a busy mind, we tend to try to control everything
  • as you connect more and more with who you fundamentally are, more and more drops off your mind and our innate wisdom bubbles up more and more
  • often when we think there’s a big problem with no solution, it is because our mind is ramped up and we’ve lost sight of our own wisdom and clarity
  • wisdom comes in all shapes and sizes
  • as you get eyes and ears for wisdom you see it in others and yourself more and more
  • when we try to fix ourselves and others it is disempowering and means we lose sight of wisdom
  • there is a beautiful freedom when the clutter and trying to control falls away

Quotes and References

  • Film: What we did on our holiday (2014), Rosamund Pike, Billy Connolly and David Tenant
  • Jamie Smart says you only have two problems: you have too much on your mind and you don’t really know who you are.
  • The deeper you listen, the smarter people get

Thank you for listening, we’d love to hear your reflections and questions. 

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high-achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

Website – CarlaRoyal.com

Facebook – Carla Royal Coach

Linkedin – Carla Royal

Instagram – CarlaRoyalCoach

Sign up to receive Carla’s weekly newsletter for inspiration, motivation, and tips for living with more ease and flow – Subscribe 

CONNECT WITH JULIET

Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

Sign up for her latest insights, essays, poems, and inspirational programmes direct to your inbox – Subscribe

Website – Solcare

Instagram- Juliet Faye

Facebook – Solcare

CONNECT WITH US!

If you love The Riffing on Realness Podcast, rate the podcast and/or write us a review! 

You can do that HERE ! Don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE so you don’t miss out on new episodes dropping every week. And don’t forget to share it with your friends!

Thank you for listening and being a part of this community! It means a lot to us!

Finally, are there topics you’d like us to cover? Please let us know.

Burn Out

Here’s what we explored:

  • it is easy to get seduced by the toxic culture of go, go, go and more, more, more
  • the pressure to present as happy and okay all the time is counter-productive
  • we are okay underneath but we do get to experience the full range of human emotion
  • suppressing or ignoring our experience can create more suffering
  • much distress could be averted if we could be okay with not being okay
  • if we can set aside our discomfort at feeling off, there is an opportunity to tune in to our deeper wisdom which is the best guide
  • we may not listen to our inner nudges because we don’t like what it is nudging us to do
  • if we don’t pay attention to our inner wisdom, it tends to knock louder
  • it’s common that people who are running running running, often come down with a physical or mental episode that forces them to stop
  • Carla talks about a client who was exhausted and she told him he needed to take a sabbatical for a month
  • at first, he was horrified but being open and curious he decided to take the sabbatical
  • it changed his life. His business did not collapse and he got clarity about how he wanted to approach things on his return
  • we have this illusion that if we don’t try to control everything, it will all fall apart
  • seeing through the illusion of control often happens through a natural disaster or illness
  • there’s a freedom in seeing through the illusion
  • initially, it may be frightening but the relief when you see you don’t have to control everything is immense
  • Carla speaks of the client who took the sabbatical showed an amazing level of leadership in that act
  • the modelling and permission it gives others when we step away to take care of ourselves
  • the client’s team stepped up and it was incredibly empowering for them
  • when we see that catastrophizing is made of thought, we might find space to wonder what positive things could come out of eg taking a break, rather than focus only on negative possibilities
  • the body has incredible wisdom, signs of burnout such as sleep and appetite disturbance, mood swings and difficulty concentrating are flashing amber warning lights
  • when we feel very stressed it looks like it is the circumstances and events and other people out there causing our state of mind
  • in a stressed state of mind, we see problems everywhere
  • when we aren’t stressed we don’t see so many problems
  • state of mind plays a huge part in how we meet our experience
  • when you’re very depleted, calming the system down is much more helpful than trying to tackle the so-called problems because you’re not in a fit state to be very effective
  • when we are willing to step away from the crazy-making, busy mind we are in, we begin to see through the illusion of our thinking
  • when we aren’t caught up in our busy thinking, we can find more clarity and what we can do or need to do is clearer
  • taking on the pressure to keep up a mask of efficiency all the time robs us of the chance to tune into our deeper wisdom
  • there are many cultural messages subtly telling us we should be well turned out all the time, especially women
  • there are also cultural messages around being successful, especially for men
  • many successful entrepreneurs report losing the sense of fun and adventure they experienced at the beginning
  • are we drawn to drama as a substitute for feeling connection?
  • how much we have on our minds determines our experience
  • if we define our sense of self by our success, appearance, relationships or money, then we will constantly be chasing those things or experiencing fear around losing them
  • when we live in our heads instead of in the present moment, we end up on a merry go round
  • the desire for connection is universal but we tend to look for it outside ourselves when it comes from within
  • the less connected we feel, sometimes the harder we run, living more and more in our heads
  • at any point, there is a possibility of checking in with that deeper self to see what is the next thing you want to do (or not do)
  • sometimes we don’t want to hear our deeper wisdom because it doesn’t line up with the stories we’ve spun about ourselves
  • even though we know we’d feel better if we listened to our wisdom, sometimes we don’t want to feel better, we’re committed to our self-righteousness or frustration
  • lack of connection leads to burnout as we chase dopamine hits from things that inevitably are ephemeral
  • whenever we find ourselves getting obsessive about something eg exercise, then it’s a signal that we are looking in the wrong place for connection
  • once we realise we are not our business or our body or, fill in the blank, then we can find freedom
  • if we engage in things that appeal to us, with nothing on it, we find a flow and ease that is missing when we’re striving to prop up our sense of self
  • toxic goals arise when we invest our well-being in achieving something out in the world: losing weight, making more money, and winning a championship. Thinking we’ll be okay when we achieve those things.
  • you can see that you have invested your sense of self in accomplishing a goal, eg losing weight, when, on achieving the goal, the feeling of satisfaction is short-lived
  • insecurity is an inside job – there’s nothing outside that will take care of that
  • seeing that insecurity is an illusion is what loosens its grip. No need to get rid of our insecurities, rather recognise they are passing states of mind. We don’t need to take them so seriously
  • living life for the game of it
  • burn out is the mind/body warning system. It’s your friend. It’s pointing to something that needs attention

Quotes and References

Thank you for listening, we hope something helpful has come up for you from this podcast. And we’d love to hear your reflections. Get in touch via the comments and tell us what lands for you. Go ahead and share the podcast wherever you are online. And don’t forget to subscribe so you can catch future episodes.

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high-achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

Website – CarlaRoyal.com

Facebook – Carla Royal Coach

Linkedin – Carla Royal

Instagram – CarlaRoyalCoach

Sign up to receive Carla’s weekly newsletter for inspiration, motivation, and tips for living with more ease and flow – Subscribe 

CONNECT WITH JULIET

Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

Sign up for her latest insights, essays, poems, and inspirational programmes direct to your inbox – Subscribe

Website – Solcare

Instagram- Juliet Faye

Facebook – Solcare

CONNECT WITH US!

If you love The Riffing on Realness Podcast, rate the podcast and/or write us a review! 

You can do that HERE ! Don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE so you don’t miss out on new episodes dropping every week. And don’t forget to share it with your friends!

Thank you for listening and being a part of this community! It means a lot to us!

Finally, are there topics you’d like us to cover? Please let us know.

Emotions Showing Up In Disguise

Here’s what we explored:

  • check out what stories you’re running about the experience you’re having
  • in the midst of reactivity, if we can see we are riled up, space can open up a little
  • get eyes for helpful nudges showing up when we’re reactive e.g. the idea to run an errand, run a bath
  • irritability, anger, and pettiness can often be unrecognised fear or grief
  • righteous anger can be a powerful force for change
  • there is primitive brain, red not, reactive anger which is often connected to past fear
  • discerning the difference is helpful
  • anger can be used to protect ourselves. Getting angry with someone makes it easier to say break up
  • can we set boundaries without the petty meanness?
  • getting underneath the initial flash of emotion to understand something deeper
  • do we have to make someone wrong in order to validate our needs and wants?
  • being riled up is all our own work (an inside job)
  • our defensiveness can cloud our judgment
  • when a client needed to take an employee to task over performance he felt angst and guilt which came out as irritation and anger
  • once he recognised what was going on, he could see more clearly that they needed to have a conversation about agreements
  • when we’re caught in reactivity, it can be confusing for others as we often don’t know what we want
  • how often do we honour agreements with ourselves?
  • how often do we not protect our peace of mind?
  • how often do we allow our stories to run away with us, and create suffering?
  • often what we throw out to others is often a mirror of how we are treating ourselves
  • if we are giving ourselves a hard time, there’s a good chance we’ll give others a hard time
  • when someone shows up really reactive, could we wonder what might be up for them, particularly if it’s not typical behaviour?
  • if it occurs to us to ‘sit on the bank of ourselves’, drop our stories (as best we can), then something else can show up
  • if not, then leaving our thinking alone as best we can, helps things to move on through
  • when we’re very reactive, we can innocently give that more oxygen and keeping it going more and more
  • we don’t have to be at 100% to show up or to live our lives; there’s something so much greater than our small sense of self
  • when you’ve lost something in the pond and you go wading in and stirring up the waters trying to find it, the water gets really cloudy whereas if you ‘sit on the bank’, the water will settle, and then it gets easier to look for the lost item.
  • pay attention to the little nudges that might be telling you to do something, not on your to-do list but might be really helpful
  • the narratives we have about internal and external states, is often what causes suffering, not the event or feeling state itself
  • seeing the stories is often enough for them to lose their fascination
  • if you have trouble sleeping, notice it’s the stories you create about not sleeping which cause the suffering, rather than the actual lack of sleep
  • learning to say, ‘can I get back to you?’, can give us time to land in more clarity, rather than responding from reactivity
  • ‘I’m an ordinary person having a beautiful life’ – a thought that came in for Juliet with so much peace and relaxation
  • when you notice your system is ramped up, step back if you can, and get curious about what’s underneath

Thank you for listening, we hope you’ve heard something helpful. And we’d love to hear from you. Get in touch via the comments and tell us what lands for you. Go ahead and share the podcast wherever you are online.

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high-achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

Website – CarlaRoyal.com

Facebook – Carla Royal Coach

Linkedin – Carla Royal

Instagram – CarlaRoyalCoach

Sign up to receive Carla’s weekly newsletter for inspiration, motivation, and tips for living with more ease and flow – Subscribe 

CONNECT WITH JULIET

Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

Sign up for her latest insights, essays, poems, and inspirational programmes direct to your inbox – Subscribe

Website – Solcare

Instagram- Juliet Faye

Facebook – Solcare

CONNECT WITH US!

If you love The Riffing on Realness Podcast, rate the podcast and/or write us a review! 

You can do that HERE ! Don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE so you don’t miss out on new episodes dropping every week. And don’t forget to share it with your friends!

Thank you for listening and being a part of this community! It means a lot to us!

Finally, are there topics you’d like us to cover? Please let us know.