Acceptance as change agent

Acceptance as change agent

Acceptance: accepting what is. It’s a tenet of many spiritual teachings and like so much wisdom, we can get to see this deeper and deeper. As an understanding of how our experience gets created and an awareness of what is creating our experience comes more and more into view, all the myriad ways we take ourselves out of alignment with reality get more and more visible.

This can be by turns shocking, comic and very ordinary. We begin to notice all the places we argue with what is, particularly in the realm of our feelings. For many, policing how we feel has been a lifelong past time. It is common for people new to the Three Principles understanding to go off on a tangent of subtly trying to control their reactions, believing erroneously, if they understood the Principles deeply enough then they’d never feel irritable, frustrated, bored, angry, critical etc. Ironically, the one they miss, is the self-judgement!

They are all made of thought and therefore at their essence, they are all neutral. Just vibrations passing through the system. There is nothing to be done with them, just let them roll through.

Accepting how we feel, means acknowledging that a sensation or thought form is present, however it shows up. There’s no need to label it. Better yet refrain from spending much mental energy concocting a story about why you are experiencing what you are experiencing.

A simple example showed up for me recently. I feel cold every now and then and I suddenly became aware that for me feeling cold is subtly wrong. As a result, I reach for what is wrong such as, I feel the cold more when I am tired; or I should move more; or my heating isn’t very effective. In this way I add meaning to feeling cold. The main meaning being, ‘I shouldn’t be cold’.

And so I innocently suffer not so much from being cold, but from the idea that I shouldn’t be cold. When I saw this at play, it was funny and then quite simple to just acknowledge ‘feeling cold’ FULL STOP, without the additional commentary. What was interesting was, ten minutes later, my awareness of being cold had disappeared. The arguing with reality, ironically was holding the feeling (of wrongness) in place.

To come fully into acceptance of your experience in any moment does not mean to be stuck with it. On the contrary, fully embracing what is occurring (on the inner or outer level), allows for flow, for fresh thinking to come in, for helpful ideas to occur, new perspectives. Paradoxically, acceptance is a powerful agent of change.

What have you seen around this?

© words and photograph Juliet Fay 2022

#Three Principles


Juliet Fay is a poet & Registered Three Principles Practitioner, living on an estuary in West Wales, UK, offering Consultations & Mentoring and online Gatherings. Curious new subscribers are welcome to join the email list ~ subscribe.These writings and visual art are freely offered here on this blog. If you’d like to donate to support this work, it would be appreciated, thank you.


Disbelief at first.
Turning away.
but then ~
Weep for the people
Of Ukraine.
Let the horror sink in.
All the way in.
Let your heart break.
Feel the despair,
the fear. And then
be lifted by the courage,
the unity of the Ukrainian people.
The sudden remembering
of our shared humanity.
The rejection of
aggression & war
corruption & lies
killing & destruction.
Voices gather
North, South, East & West.
Raised together
for freedom, peace,
equity and solidarity.
Countries unite, people unite.
Acting from strength & compassion.
The human spirit rising
strong and clear.
No time for self-interest
Equivocation, pussy footing.
No time for arguing, bureaucracy.
No time for misplaced loyalty
for short term gain.
No time to hold on
to shady promises & dirty deals.
Time for wisdom.
For serving the common good.
Wake up. Step up. Come clean.
Turn around. It’s never too late.
Bury the hatchet.
Cast it into the sea.
Shake off the shackles of
corruption, greed & fear.
Be inspired by
Volodymyr Zelenskyy,
Ursula Von Der Leyen
Martin Kimani
Daria Kaleniuk.
Look them up
Learn their names.
And the names of many more.
So many beacons
Of strength and hope.
True leaders show up
To remind us
who we are,
Who we can be.
To inspire us
To bring hope
To speak from the heart
To act with courage
To help
To join hands
To free the oppressed
To open our arms and our hearts.
Be inspired. Be a leader.
For your children, siblings, parents, colleagues, neighbours, friends.
Reach out. Help your neighbours.
Hold loved ones close.
Speak out.
Add your hands, your feet,
Your voice
Your prayers, your words
Your art, your music
Your surplus goods
Your table, your love.
Rise up. Speak up.
Show the world.
We the people,
Stand with Ukraine.
Words by ©Juliet Fay, 2nd March 2022 Carmarthenshire
Endless Love with Juliet & Judy

Endless Love with Juliet & Judy



A deep dive into the Three Principles as expressed by Sydney Banks

  • What if you knew love was always available from within, regardless of your past, current or future circumstances?
  • What if experiencing the Truth of this is ALL we need to navigate life’s ups and downs with more ease?
  • What if the only thing that EVER takes us away from that felt sense, is thinking that looks true in the moment?

If you are looking to feel more grounded amid turbulent events, this is the programme for you. If you have an interest in what lies beyond the busy mind chatter, this is for you. If you know there is more appreciation, awe, love, compassion, clarity and beauty available but you find more often you are in doubt, judgement or criticism (self or others) then come along to hear the invitation for a deep dive into the relaxed, alert, ordinary dimension of wisdom and presence where we come more fully alive. The space of Endless Love.

Join me, Juliet and Judy for Endless Love, a deep dive into the heart of the Three Principles teachings. We are excited to be offering this programme at this time.

Dates and Times
3 x 2hr sessions over one week in April

Wed 6, Thu 7 & Wed 13 Apr 7-9pm BST, Cardiff, UK, 11am-1pm PCT, California, US,
New Zealand times are a day later: Thu 7, Fri 8 & Thu 14 Apr 6-8am NZST

Scholarships available (email me, if price is a barrier but you feel called to join)

Any questions? Email me.

The programme is open to all, so please share with friends and colleagues.


About the facilitators

Judy and Juliet have been friends and colleagues for 6 years and both are passionate about sharing what they see about the human condition to point people to uncover their innate health and wholeness. They have each seen extraordinary changes in their relationship with their own minds having suffered intense mental distress for many years.

Juliet Fay is a registered Three Principles Practitioner on the 3 Principles Global Community register and Judy Nakhies is an Apprentice Practitioner with the same organisation. You can connect with Judy via Facebook



Reflections on Tenderness

Reflections on Tenderness

It is a joy to be in conversation with a small group, slowly exploring the writings and words of Sydney Banks. As we look in the direction of a deeper dimension of being we may meet fierce resistance, difficult emotions, frustration, impatience and a great big fat no. 

This is a time for more gentleness and more love. To give up the fight is a great act of courage and power. I’ve been musing on tenderness and wanted to gift you the piece below. 

Where there has been a tendency towards violence: of thought, word or deed, a bout of inner conflict can leave a felt residue of weakness, of being unequal to the task of living. As consciousness plummets the world can seem unbearably hostile, harsh or overwhelming. The mind can look like the enemy and Life a series of obstacles designed to deplete. Coping mechanisms kick in to numb the pain, at least for a while.

As consciousness rises, the logic and innocence of such inner and outer scenes playing out becomes visible. Not innocent, in the judicial or moral sense. Not devoid of consequences but innocent psychologically. Where understanding dwells, experience can only reflect the feeling of that plane. There is an undeniable logic. Fighting for more understanding from a low state of consciousness, is a game of dissatisfaction and more exhaustion. The invitation is to surrender.

Deep within, is a salve that may come unbidden: tenderness

Tenderness, when it arrives can be unbearable. The gentle loving warmth of such softness can render the habitual identity defenceless. Well worn coping strategies of denial, distraction, dissociation, self-criticism, self pity, drama, self-harm and exhaustion are no match for the all encompassing embrace of tenderness.

In some, tenderness has only been felt by its absence. It can sneak up unawares and completely undo the narrow sense of self.

When a word, a look or a winter bloom touches deep within, releasing tenderness, it can be mistaken for some sign of imbalance or deficiency. Rushed past in the pursuit of something better or different or more appropriate. Pause, tarry a while. Let tenderness wash through.

In that deep feeling, is a love, so powerful it can dissolve  unconscious, habitual stories we hold

The power of tenderness has struck me freshly recently. Not the rigid, loud power of force but the much greater power of softness. To open to it fully, is an act of courage. It is a doorway. An invitation.

The initial sense of being unequal to its power is an illusion. How could our Being be unequal to anything it experiences? Tenderness is a beacon, lighting the way home.

Home to what you are truly are.

When tenderness knocks, open the door wide.

I’d love to hear how this lands for you; comment below or email me your thoughts, reflections, comments and questions.


Juliet Fay is a poet & Three Principles Facilitator living on an estuary in West Wales, UK. Curious new subscribers are welcome to join the email list ~ subscribe. Consultations are available Find out more.

These writings and visual art are freely offered here on this blog. If you’d like to donate to support this work, it would be appreciated, thank you.

The Crystal Shop in Ganges

The Crystal Shop in Ganges

Photograph : Ganges harbour, Salt Spring Island, ”Mysterious music’ by Juliet Fay © 2017

In 2017, Paul (now my partner) and I visited Salt Spring Island, one of the Gulf Islands in the Salish Sea between mainland British Columbia, Canada and Vancouver Island, to attend The Three Principles School with Elsie Spittle and Chip Chipman.

It was my first time in North America and the funny thing is, I’m not really into crystals! But all is not as it seems….. read on!

The Crystal Shop in Ganges

I was on the other side of the world, with an American man I’d met in London only two weeks earlier, heading to a four day school to immerse myself in the understanding known as The Three Principles.

What was extraordinary was how easy everything felt despite the fact it was all very far from my usual life. From getting tickets for the School, the planning for the trip, arriving in Canada, getting from Vancouver to Salt Spring Island, it was as if we were in an alternate reality where everything just kept falling into place so effortlessly and easily.

The Crystal Shop
It was our first morning on the island. Walking down the street in the little harbour town of Ganges, we spied a crystal shop and went in for a mooch.

Looking around at all the lovely wares, we struck up conversation with the shop owner who told us the island was built on quartz and was considered sacred by the First Nation people. As she spoke, all the hairs went up on the back of my neck and everything became hyper-real.

As we left the shop, I caught sight of a facilitator I’d worked with in a prison in England who I’d briefly seen at the sea plane terminal. She too, was headed for the School. We waved and she crossed the street to join us. I stood between my friend and my partner, ready to introduce them.

Completely blank
As I looked at my friend, I couldn’t for the life of me, remember her name. Turning, as if in slow motion, to my partner, his name too, completely escaped me. I stood there, dumbstruck, struggling to say anything. Odd, I thought. Luckily they introduced themselves to each other and struck up conversation while I stood there in a daze.

After a brief catch up, Paul and I headed to a cafe with tables overlooking the harbour. As I sat, still bathed in this extraordinary, lighter than air reality, I could hear music floating through the air.

Was it only in my head, or actually happening out there? Turns out, there was a little covered bandstand on the end of a pier with a piano inside and someone was playing the most beautiful music I had ever heard. It sounded ethereal.

I was entirely immersed in this beautiful, floating feeling with no clue, really what was going on. It wasn’t disturbing but it was new for me. I was filled with love, for no apparent reason!

Miracle from within

After a little while the intensely beautiful feelings receded and I thought no more about it, until I was talking to Elsie Spittle in one of the breaks at the Three Principles School. I recounted my story, emphasising the meeting in the crystal shop and how the hairs had stood up on the back of my neck.

Without missing a beat, Elsie said, ‘you know it wasn’t the crystal shop, right? That feeling was coming from you.” I was speechless.

No, I didn’t realise it was coming from me. I thought it was the shop or the island or something.

A peaceful, easy feeling

Re-telling this story now, I’m appreciating the thought to share this with you because in doing that I get to enjoy it all over again, but more than that, in remembering that beautiful easy feeling, I inhabited for long periods through that year, I get to recognise, how that easy feeling is possible anywhere, anytime.

Sitting here on a rainy October day in West Wales, 10,000 miles from my partner, that feeling is just as available as it was that day in the crystal shop. Imagine that!

It is only ever our thinking that takes us away from a nice and easy feeling.

Including our thinking that there is too much wrong with: us, the world, other people (select all that apply) to enjoy a nice feeling. That’s a sneaky one!

Turning away from ill feelings, to find the easy, beautiful feelings, is not only possible, it is profoundly helpful for you, those you love and the planet as a whole. In fact it is only a giant ego trip that keeps us giving the ill-feelings weight and substance.

Shocking, I know!

I didn’t know this for the longest time and I want to invite you to consider the possibility it could be true.

© Juliet Fay 2021

The Eagles song, Peaceful Easy Feeling is swirling round my head, so I thought I’d share it, in case you fancy a listen!

Juliet Fay is a poet & Three Principles Facilitator living on an estuary in West Wales, UK. Curious new subscribers are welcome to join the email list ~ subscribe.

These writings and visual art are freely offered here on this blog. If you’d like to donate to support this work, it would be appreciated, thank you.