Restoration and Renewal

Here’s what we explored:

  • is the New Year a time for something other than personal goals and resolutions?
  • recognising the gift of presence: to ourselves, our clients, and our losses
  • when we are present, time and space fall away
  • in presence we find renewal and then we return to the fray of life, again and again
  • being present to our experience, whatever that is, including grief
  • in presence, we find openness and tenderness,
  • we don’t have to fix or control, there is a sense of relief
  • in presence, we find the wisdom to know what’s next
  • leaders can create a culture where it’s okay to grieve, to have ebbs and flows in productivity, to embrace our humanity
  • the push to produce more and more is not replicated in nature
  • clocks and timetables are useful for very specific purposes eg making appointments but so much in life happens independent of clocks
  • the only thing that makes something good or bad, valuable or not, is our judgment, made of thought
  • being present gives us more access to common sense which guides us beautifully
  • grief and gratitude are two sides of one coin. When you make space for the loss, you also make space for the gratitude
  • we often want to fix bad feelings, get through them quickly, but if we can pause and honour what is, there is a richness available
  • when old griefs come back around, maybe they are coming up for air, for healing
  • when we get really lost in our painful stories about ourselves, others, the past, and the future, we suffer
  • to really see how human beings create stories all the time and our stories are ever-changing is a huge insight
  • when we recognise the illusory nature of our stories, we get to hold them more lightly, let them flow through us
  • not using ‘getting present’ as a way to avoid our feelings or bypass them
  • presence and tenderness are so healing
  • by honouring the experience you are in right now, you are honouring Life
  • we are built to experience Life coming through us
  • what occurs to you around renewal and restoration?

Quotes and References

  • ‘The Reith Lectures, Dr Mark Carney, How We Get What We Value – transcript

Thank you for listening. We’d love to hear what landed for you, your questions or feedback so drop us a line. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review and share on your networks as we’d love more people to get the chance to tune in, slow down and listen to their own wisdom, especially at these times.

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

Website – CarlaRoyal.com

Facebook – Carla Royal Coach

Linkedin – Carla Royal

Instagram – CarlaRoyalCoach

Sign up to receive Carla’s weekly newsletter for inspiration, motivation, and tips for living with more ease and flow – Subscribe 

CONNECT WITH JULIET

Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

Sign up for her latest insights, essays, poems, and inspirational programmes direct to your inbox – Subscribe

Website – Solcare

Instagram- Juliet Faye

Facebook – Solcare

CONNECT WITH US!

If you love The Riffing on Realness Podcast, rate the podcast and/or write us a review! 

You can do that HERE ! Don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE so you don’t miss out on new episodes dropping every week. And don’t forget to share it with your friends!

Thank you for listening and being a part of this community! It means a lot to us!

Finally, are there topics you’d like us to cover? Please let us know.

What if How We Feel Doesn’t Matter?

Here’s what we explored:

  • we share an understanding that how we feel is not a reliable indicator of who we are, it’s just how we feel in that moment
  • they come and go
  • experiment and see for yourself if this is true
  • it is not ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’
  • it comes from a real knowing there is something beyond our feeling state
  • some collapse into emotions others vigorously suppress them
  • this is not over-riding or avoiding emotions, it is about tuning in to something deeper
  • ‘Thought screams; wisdom whispers’, Debbie Trent
  • wanting to feel peaceful all the time is a trap
  • do you interpret feelings like anxiety as a sign of problems (in your life)?
  • what if they are just emotions moving through you?
  • what if we don’t need to analyse or judge our feelings so much?
  • everyone is looking for peace of mind, ease, connection, right?
  • are we looking in the wrong place, looking in our emotions, when there is something beyond them?
  • a sense of ‘all shall be well’ is when everything relaxes: time and space disappear and our emotions too?
  • people love clouds, people flock to watch the sunsets
  • sunsets without clouds are not that interesting
  • storm clouds make for extraordinary sunsets
  • our emotions are like clouds
  • when we don’t over-identify with our emotions and simply let them be, move through us, they can become incredibly rich experiences, like grief for example
  • being wholeheartedly in the experience without paying so much attention to the accompanying commentary or story
  • the sun illuminates the clouds even on the darkest day
  • It’s like the sun represents consciousness, that which lights up all our emotions, allows us to feel them,
  • Juliet says she would have made a fabulous opera diva if only she could sing
  • her experience was full of drama, everything felt intense, she invested her emotions with maximum importance. Carla too!
  • not making those feelings WHO I am
  • an emotion in and of itself is neither good nor bad
  • we can see that because some people seek out and pay for intense sensations e.g. going bungy jumping to feel fear
  • other fear eg anxiety
  • it’s fascinating to realise the impact of our naming of feelings and the meaning we put on them
  • one person can interpret tingling as excitement; another as fear
  • a little bit of stress can give you a little pep
  • in any given moment, the possibility for what we can experience, is infinite
  • know that the mind can change
  • whatever you think or feel in this moment: KNOW it is going to change
  • whether you pop out quickly or hang out in it for weeks, at some point it changes
  • if we didn’t care HOW we felt, what would that be like?
  • the psychological system is always seeking equilibrium
  • if a pond is churned up and you’ve lost something in there, the thing to do is go sit on the bank and wait for the water to settle
  • give ourselves a little tender loving care, attend to ourselves gently
  • stop stirring up the pond, sit on the bank of yourself in wonder
  • we touch moments when we are unself-conscious
  • in those moments gratitude, compassion, gentleness flow more naturally
  • so easy to overlook the quiet moments
  • when we take our emotions a little less personally we can more fully experience them
  • if we paid less attention to our stories about how we feel we would be free to simply experience them in glorious technicolor

Quotes and References

  • ‘Thoughts scream; wisdom whispers’, Debbie Trent
  • ‘All shall be well, all shall be well, all manner of things shall be well’ Julian of Norwich
  • Pema Chödrön – books and videos
  • A Beautiful Mind is a 2001 American biographical drama film based on the life of the American mathematician John Nash, a Nobel Laureate in Economics and Abel Prize winner. The film was directed by Ron Howard, from a screenplay written by Akiva Goldsman. Starring Russell Crowe, Jennifer Connelly, and Ed Harris.

Thank you for listening. We’d love to hear your questions or feedback so drop us a line. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review and share on your networks as we’d love more people to get the chance to tune in, slow down and listen to their own wisdom, especially at these times.

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

Website – CarlaRoyal.com

Facebook – Carla Royal Coach

Linkedin – Carla Royal

Instagram – CarlaRoyalCoach

Sign up to receive Carla’s weekly newsletter for inspiration, motivation, and tips for living with more ease and flow – Subscribe 

CONNECT WITH JULIET

Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

Sign up for her latest insights, essays, poems, and inspirational programmes direct to your inbox – Subscribe

Website – Solcare

Instagram- Juliet Faye

Facebook – Solcare

CONNECT WITH US!

If you love The Riffing on Realness Podcast, rate the podcast and/or write us a review! 

You can do that HERE ! Don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE so you don’t miss out on new episodes dropping every week. And don’t forget to share it with your friends!

Thank you for listening and being a part of this community! It means a lot to us!

Finally, are there topics you’d like us to cover? Please let us know.

 

Being in Limbo

Here’s what we explored:

  • we are horrible at predicting the future
  • we can make up very negative stories about the future
  • those stories can disturb and discombobulate us
  • we ruminate about the past or worry about the future when we’re in a low state of mind
  • in a better state of mind, the unknown can be exciting
  • when we feel insecure the things we worry about look true
  • in a better state of mind, those problems aren’t present
  • trying to pretend we don’t feel insecure isn’t the answer
  • acknowledging when we feel insecure that the problems look true is a kind of honoring
  • it’s interesting to notice how uncomfortable we are with being uncomfortable
  • when we feel insecure what exactly is threatened?
  • Carla notices how much she dislikes physical discomfort – she works very hard to mitigate discomfort
  • curiosity is a very valuable thing – it’s like taking off the blinders.
  • lack of curiosity creates tunnel vision
  • discomfort can manifest emotionally, psychologically, physically, and spiritually
  • a feeling of wanting to crawl out of our skin
  • who is suffering when we feel discomfort?
  • it is the mind that is suffering, not who we are at our essence
  • do we become what we are feeling? We feel irritated so we become a ball of irritation
  • we are not experiencing what is out there, we are experiencing our perception of what’s out there
  • like with an old outboard motor, you can take the cover off and diagnose what’s going on
  • when we don’t understand how the mind works, we are at the mercy of how we feel and we don’t have any agency
  • even when we do understand that we are at the effect of what looks true to us, not the world out there….. we can forget …… and we do …… again and again
  • when everything we perceive is self-referenced ie what does this say about me? and interestingly when we’re not doing that and we are just experiencing life, unfiltered.
  • noticing what happens when we aren’t making stories with us at the center of them
  • if you go out and sit with a tree and remove the label ‘tree’ and just experience it fresh
  • when we experience the label we are not seeing the living thing in front of us
  • same with people, we stop seeing the person, you are seeing all your opinions about them
  • the story of two people in a room when someone comes into the room with a Doberman. One person grew up with Dobermans and loves them and has a feeling of warmth and excitement. The other person was chased by a Doberman when she was a child and fell off her bike.
  • she feels fear when she sees the Doberman. Which person is right?
  • It’s easy to think both are right but what if neither is right?
  • Neither person knows this particular dog. If it is an attack dog, it doesn’t matter how many good feelings you have about this dog, it is likely to attack. If, on the other hand, it is a service dog, it doesn’t matter how frightened you are, it is unlikely to attack.
  • in the same way, with people, we operate from our preconceptions about others so we think because that person voted in a particular way, we think we know how they are going to react
  • and don’t we also do this with ourselves? We think we are a particular way: I always do this or never do that and that means it will go this way
  • what we are doing is referencing who we’ve been in the past and we can get stuck – ‘this is how it’s always gone before. I can’t help this, it’s just who I am’
  • it limits our ability to see this place of limbo as a fresh opportunity where anything could happen
  • we can’t predict the future, so we reference who we believe ourselves to be with all our perceived limitations
  • it’s uncomfortable and frightening
  • what happens, when we get curious and see limbo as full of possibility?
  • we often unconsciously go to our filing system and pull up what we ALREADY know about others and ourselves
  • and we can create fixedness and limitation
  • if we realize all those things we take ourselves to be, all our opinions, are changeable
  • when most of us look at ourselves we see we are full of inconsistencies and contradictions – that’s just being human
  • there’s an opportunity in discomfort to see where we are bumping up against illusions of ourselves or the world
  • imagine, what if ‘how we feel doesn’t matter?’
  • when we feel insecure, how ‘I’ feel is SO important
  • when we’re not feeling insecure: there is much less of ‘I’, more live and let live, more freedom, more ease
  • is there a clue there? That the ‘I’ is the one that creates all the drama
  • what if our emotions are not personal?
  • what’s the feedback system that tells us our emotions are intolerable? the personal mind
  • when we forget ourselves, when there’s no ‘me’ in the equation, we experience freedom
  • the mind is the author of the experience and at the effect of the experience too
  • the mind is incredibly powerful
  • if you are finding limbo stressful and overwhelming right now: just know that decisions will get made, events will happen. When we look back we see all the times we’ve navigated difficulties and even forgotten about them a few days, weeks or months later
  • ideas and insights come in whether or not we are aware of them
  • there’s less to worry about than we think: we can’t know the future
  • when you are ramped up, can you sit on the bank of yourself so the stirred up pond can come back to clarity?
  • stirred up emotions will pass, especially if we can leave them alone, they do so quicker
  • it doesn’t generally help trying to figure things out when we are stressed out
  • in the middle of limbo have kindness for yourself and for others
  • it’s not that everything works out or there is necessarily a happily ever after
  • Sydney Banks, ‘life is a contact sport’
  • when we can engage wholeheartedly with life – that’s not about the externals – there has been an internal shift

Thank you for listening. We’d love to hear your feedback so drop us a line. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review and share on your networks.

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

Website – CarlaRoyal.com

Facebook – Carla Royal Coach

Linkedin – Carla Royal

Instagram – CarlaRoyalCoach

Sign up to receive Carla’s weekly newsletter for inspiration, motivation, and tips for living with more ease and flow – Subscribe 

CONNECT WITH JULIET

Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

Sign up for her latest insights, essays, poems, and inspirational programmes direct to your inbox – Subscribe

Website – Solcare

Instagram- Juliet Faye

Facebook – Solcare

CONNECT WITH US!

If you love The Riffing on Realness Podcast, rate the podcast and/or write us a review! 

You can do that HERE ! Don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE so you don’t miss out on new episodes dropping every week. And don’t forget to share it with your friends!

Thank you for listening and being a part of this community! It means a lot to us!

Finally, are there topics you’d like us to cover? Please let us know.

 

Shutting Down and Heart Tenderness

Here’s what we explored:-

  • noticing where our hearts are hard: ‘how can people do that? how can people say that?
  • hard hearts tend to create judgment
  • we all have the capacity to be compassionate and hard-hearted
  • can we see how we’re the same?
  • trying to be a better person or a better citizen rarely creates change
  • a shift in consciousness goes to the heart of things and transforms our experience of self and others
  • sometimes we have to hit the bottom before we can breakthrough
  • there is a kind of disintegration, a devolving
  • the caterpillar completely disintegrates – that is part of its soul’s code
  • we are afraid of devolution and disintegration
  • jumping in to try and fix people when something is trying to die and be born, can get in the way
  • the disintegration phase can be frightening, lonely, and sad and that’s all legitimate
  • that is understandable: you are letting go of a way that no longer serves
  • we have a soul’s code, just as the acorn has the blue-print to be an oak.
  • surrendering to our soul’s code
  • a period of anger and resentment can give way to a period of sadness which is a relief
  • when we break open and allow ourselves to embody our feelings it can be a very raw and tender place as we wait for what might take root
  • and when we want to avoid that tender place, we can use things to numb us out, like social media, alcohol, etc
  • the hardening, softening, ripeness, rawness, tenderness are all cycles of being
  • maybe life is not linear but cyclical like everything else in nature
  • winter is a time of gathering in, going into hibernation
  • in spring the soil warms up and new life emerges
  • as we find ourselves returning to old patterns of thought or circumstance looks to be an invitation for our relationship to our experience to transform
  • look for the gifts in experience from simple curiosity, a gift for its own sake not for self-improvement
  • what is there that is not the story of my conditioning, something that is just new and fresh?
  • all around and within us we see the hard shells and we see the potential if we can just break open
  • the hard shell is all about fear – we’re just scared
  • when we see the fear, we can have so much compassion for self and others
  • the hardness of heart is made of thought: fear is made of thought
  • we all have the capacity to have hard hearts and soft hearts
  • hardness of heart is not fixed: it comes and goes like the ebb and flow of the tide
  • the heart opening is just a thought away, knowing that fear can dissolve at any moment makes everything up for grabs
  • seeing ourselves in others and them in us
  • when we’re in battle, it is fear fighting fear: we’re both fighting phantoms; we don’t see the other person, we see our fear
  • George Pransky in his book, The Relationship Handbook tells of being in the military and how, when there is an argument, combatants were made to stand one each side of a window, and clean the glass. Invariably, the conflict fell away as they began to really see each other
  • Carla talks of recognising that the feeling of hopelessness is simply a feeling and how that knowing is really helpful.
  • Seeing that a feeling of hopelessness can lift all of a sudden, for no apparent reason
  • the misunderstanding that the strength of feeling is a measure of how urgently things need to be fixed
  • fixing feelings looks like a way to control things but in fact that control is an illusion
  • Carla talks about wanting to stay open battling with feelings of wanting to shut down or figure it out. The only thing to do is surrender and stay tender.
  • Carla recognises she doesn’t need to shut down, there is nothing to fear.
  • Juliet asks, ‘Who is suffering?’
  • Recognising the difference between ‘being in the sadness’ versus engaging with all the stressful thinking, ‘what about this and that?’

Quotes and References

  • Book: The Soul’s Code by James Hillman
  • Satday Soup for the Sista’s Soul podcast by Cheri Gillings – Less fixing, more feeling
  • The Insight Space, London
  • Book: The Relationship Handbook by Dr George Pransky

Quote: “We shall not cease from exploration

And the end of all our exploring

Will be to arrive where we started

And know the place for the first time.

Through the unknown, remembered gate

When the last of earth left to discover

Is that which was the beginning;

At the source of the longest river

The voice of the hidden waterfall

And the children in the apple-tree

Not known, because not looked for

But heard, half-heard, in the stillness

Between two waves of the sea.” T.S. Eliot

Sending love to all our listeners. If you enjoyed this episode, please do leave a review and share on your networks.

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

Website – CarlaRoyal.com

Facebook – Carla Royal Coach

Linkedin – Carla Royal

Instagram – CarlaRoyalCoach

Sign up to receive Carla’s weekly newsletter for inspiration, motivation, and tips for living with more ease and flow – Subscribe 

CONNECT WITH JULIET

Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

Sign up for her latest insights, essays, poems, and inspirational programmes direct to your inbox – Subscribe

Website – Solcare

Instagram- Juliet Faye

Facebook – Solcare

CONNECT WITH US!

If you love The Riffing on Realness Podcast, rate the podcast and/or write us a review! 

You can do that HERE ! Don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE so you don’t miss out on new episodes dropping every week. And don’t forget to share it with your friends!

Thank you for listening and being a part of this community! It means a lot to us!

Finally, are there topics you’d like us to cover? Please let us know.

Getting Real Around Depression and Emotions

Here’s what we explored:

  • noticing that teachers who are humble, light-hearted, and really grounded, you can experience a deep heart to heart connection without the usual personal details
  • it is our thinking that takes us out of an awareness of connection
  • when we feel a sense of connection: space opens up, in our heart, in our minds, in our day
  • when we seem to have ‘lost connection’, we go looking in our toolbox for techniques to help us out but they’re not always helpful because they are old and stale.
  • whereas there is fresh, helpful thinking available for this moment, right here, right now
  • ‘going into our head’ is a place where we are cut off from connection. There’s – not much joy, nothing fresh there but it feels safe
  • Carla is noticing how that disconnection response takes the joy and engagement out of all parts of life and that doesn’t feel okay
  • we can take a moment to be in awe of the creative nature of or coping mechanisms brought to us via the power of Thought
  • then our minds rush in to ask, ‘I don’t feel connected, how do I feel more connected?’
  • the only thing that takes us out of a feeling of connection is the thinking that says, “I am not connected”
  • notice the moments when our problem thinking just dissolves for example when we get on a call with a client or colleague – that was a change of thought
  • you can just let it be, if you can and if you can’t, let that be!
  • once we decide how we feel is a problem, that is when we can get really stuck
  • when depression lifts (often it feels like it just dispersed) is when we get fresh thinking
  • fresh thinking can happen at any time
  • whether we fight it, we collapse into it, surrender to it or transcend it, either way, it will pass
  • analysis and judgment can plunge us into shame
  • sometimes when we’re struggling, we can realise perhaps it is lack of sleep – we’re exhausted
  • it’s helpful when you remember all the things you’ve come through in the past
  • think of the ancient live oaks, still standing for 3-400 years, through hurricanes and all kinds of weather
  • they began as tiny acorns. In an acorn is the blueprint of the mighty oak. But it didn’t happen overnight
  • think of the rosebud: you can’t force open that bud, it will open in its own time
  • relax, let life unfold, we don’t need to figure it out.
  • life is living the tree, the bloom and us
  • ‘let wisdom come to you’, says Christine Heath
  • Juliet tells her story of experiencing depression and her seeing the stages she went through
  • massive resistance ensued and she was in battle but she noticed how the feeling is a guide
  • exhaustion and numbness followed
  • then the collapsing began to happen and it started to look hopeless
  • she noticed the fine distinction between collapsing and surrendering
  • surrendering was a kind of acceptance and there was a release
  • she strummed her ukulele and the tears came (which also looks comical in retrospect)
  • the less we care about how we feel the less it matters and the less it sticks
  • Juliet was obsessed with how she felt and believed there was a lot of valuable information in how she felt
  • it looked like there was useful information in my feelings: about myself, about the world, about other people
  • when we realise there is something bigger than our feelings then our feelings don’t matter so much
  • as our heart opens and we connect with something bigger – it’s that which cleans up our stuckness
  • you can’t make yourself surrender
  • you can’t make yourself have an insight
  • but we can settle down and open to the possibility of insight
  • the song ‘Don’t worry, be happy’ used to make Carla so mad as it felt so dismissive and invalidating of her emotions
  • knowing that when our thinking changes we will see things differently is helpful even if it doesn’t immediately pop us out of our mood
  • acceptance and allowing are hugely helpful and as we see deeper these naturally arise more
  • excessive gentleness, listening, and curiosity
  • when someone is in distress and we meet them and our heart is open, we don’t know what we’re going to say but we can trust that people will feel the love
  • you can’t think your way or force your way into acceptance and surrender
  • there is a deeper feeling and connection available to us
  • knowing something else will come around is so helpful
  • when we all caught up, we can’t feel our divinity, only our heavy humanness. What Juliet and Carla can do is see and connect with the divinity in their clients
  • we want to share and explore the divinity we see in each other and our listeners
  • Juliet appreciates Carla’s willingness to show the listeners how we can be in our messy human-ness one minute and then pop out of it
  • Juliet shares how much energy she put into hiding how she felt, hiding how much of a mess she was and how exhausting that was
  • Juliet sees that in the act of trying to hide her messiness (or human-ness), she created so much suffering

Quotes and References

Sending love to all our listeners. If you enjoyed this episode, please do leave a review and share on your networks.

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

Website – CarlaRoyal.com

Facebook – Carla Royal Coach

Linkedin – Carla Royal

Instagram – CarlaRoyalCoach

Sign up to receive Carla’s weekly newsletter for inspiration, motivation, and tips for living with more ease and flow – Subscribe 

CONNECT WITH JULIET

Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

Sign up for her latest insights, essays, poems, and inspirational programmes direct to your inbox – Subscribe

Website – Solcare

Instagram- Juliet Faye

Facebook – Solcare

CONNECT WITH US!

If you love The Riffing on Realness Podcast, rate the podcast and/or write us a review! 

You can do that HERE ! Don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE so you don’t miss out on new episodes dropping every week. And don’t forget to share it with your friends!

Thank you for listening and being a part of this community! It means a lot to us!

Finally, are there topics you’d like us to cover? Please let us know.
 

Focus, Distraction, and Those Difficult People

Here’s what we explored:

  • self-awareness is a superpower. It is often enough, simply to notice what’s going on in your mind.
  • does it have to take as long to calm down as it did to get wound up? Is that just more thought in the system getting in the way?
  • Juliet wonders whether it is as simple as letting our minds settle.
  • Carla shares her experience of sometimes just dropping out of a revved-up mind
  • and also her experience of TRYING to drop out of a busy mind and not succeeding
  • if you’re thinking is stressful, more stressful thinking won’t get you out of feeling stressed
  • what we may not realise is when no longer experience stress, it is simply because we are in a different state of mind, not that the externals have necessarily changed
  • when we make eg being distracted a problem, we tend to get more of what we see as a problem, in this case, being more distracted
  • the metaphor of a car engine in neutral when you’re revving the engine by putting your foot on the gas pedal: the solution is to take your foot off the gas
  • our judgment that we are having the wrong experience is what keeps it in place
  • as we get more interested in the wonder of everyday things, something happens, that it becomes more available to us to leave our thinking alone
  • excessive gentleness and being okay with not being okay are helpful
  • using what you understand about spirituality to beat yourself with or to anesthetize yourself is not helpful
  • you’re not going to find peace of mind using ‘I’m wrong’ thinking
  • whatever your flavour of thinking: that’s the experience you’ll get
  • if I feel irritated trying to tackle what is irritating me is not going to help because that’s not where the irritation is coming from
  • we over-identify with our thoughts and believe they are us
  • we can’t necessarily stop our thoughts or change them but we don’t have to over-identify with them
  • we live in our thinking: if it’s revved up; we’ll experience being revved up
  • we know that something we’re very wound up about today we likely won’t even remember in a day, a month, a year
  • not identifying with our thoughts – how do we do that?
  • a deeper part of us gets touched, we wake up to something bigger than us, to a deeper wisdom at play
  • for some that is Nature, God, or simply the wonder of a newborn, a young animal
  • contemplating and wondering about that something bigger seems to lessen that over-identification with our personal thought system
  • that connection is available any time: washing the dishes, sitting at the computer, or in a high rise apartment
  • Juliet shares her experience of watching ‘My Octopus Teacher’ – the redemption of one man who immersed himself in understanding an octopus living in a kelp forest off the Western Cape of South Africa
  • Juliet was struck by the power of immersive, gentle curiosity. What would happen if we bring that to the things we care about?
  • your loved ones, your work, your pets, this deeper wisdom, social justice, saving species in your neighbourhood
  • Carla recognises the point when she became present to the conversation and acknowledged Juliet being present
  • Carla shares her difficulty with someone she cares for who has different political views to her and she recognises that she feels so much anger
  • she is not going to say anything until she can feel soft and compassionate
  • underneath the anger she senses she is afraid – there is no sense of curiosity or compassion or honouring who he is when she is gripped by this anger/fear
  • without curiosity we cannot focus on who someone else is at their core
  • distracted by anger and judgment, we can’t ask, what is going on for that person?
  • what are my blinders around this?
  • shadow puppets – your thinking is playing out with your thinking about his thinking
  • so neither persons’ deeper wisdom is experienced
  • we can tend to reject or annihilate what feels alien (like the octopus) but through eg the film-maker’s story we get invited to enter the world of the octopus as a beautiful other experience
  • when we are looking for the point or purpose of something we miss all the richness of its just being
  • when we go into wonder at how a creature exists, we can discover something beautiful
  • we get distracted by our labels e.g what this is, who this is, what this means
  • go out and look at a tree but drop the label ‘tree’ because labels give us a very limited view
  • you see how someone can reject a whole group of people but then get to know an individual and have a totally different experience from the one filed under that group label
  • Carla sees she is labeling her friend and not seeing him for who she knows him to be
  • our labels distract us from the full experience of self and other
  • labels feel safe (because they give you all the answers) but they cut us off from so much
  • fundamentalism, in any form, is a very narrow view of life and people, a teeny, tiny box, it distracts from humanity, from God, from mystery, from the Lifeforce
  • it distracts us from bringing our curiosity fully online
  • everyone wants the same things: peace of mind, love, and understanding, to take care of their families
  • how we think we get that looks different for each of us
  • human beings are all looking for connection.
  • when there’s conflict, we’re struggling with difficult thinking about a person not a difficult person
  • our natural state is one of curiosity
  • just knowing that at any moment you could have a different perspective about anyone or anything is very hopeful and can help us wait or hold back until we get fresh thought
  • getting curious about what’s beyond the edges of what is known
  • when we’re distracted we’re often just re-hashing old, stale, thoughts
  • focus feels lighter and more open
  • as we realise deeper and deeper that we are always at the effect of what looks true to us in any given moment, we get more and more curious about what could happen as more and more of us have a change of heart

Quotes and References

  • Mooji – search on YouTube
  • My Octopus Teacher – Netflix documentary
  • “As the uneasiness and reluctance to face it cut him off more and more from all real happiness, and as habit renders the pleasures the vanity and excitement and flippancy at once less pleasant and harder to forgo…you will find that anything or nothing is sufficient to attract his wandering attention. You no longer need a good book, which he really likes, to keep him from his prayers or his work or his sleep; a column of advertisements in yesterday’s paper will do. You can make him waste his time not only in conversation he enjoys with people whom he likes, but also in conversations with those he cares nothing about, on subjects that bore him. You can make him do nothing at all for long periods. You can keep him up late at night, not roistering, but staring at a dead fire in a cold room. All the healthy and outgoing activities which we want him to avoid can be inhibited and nothing given in return, so that at last he may say…’I now see that I spent most my life in doing neither what I ought nor what I liked.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters
  • Maya Angelou – Caged Bird poem

Sending love to all our listeners. If you enjoyed this episode, please do leave a review and share on your networks.

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

Website – CarlaRoyal.com

Facebook – Carla Royal Coach

Linkedin – Carla Royal

Instagram – CarlaRoyalCoach

Sign up to receive Carla’s weekly newsletter for inspiration, motivation, and tips for living with more ease and flow – Subscribe 

CONNECT WITH JULIET

Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

Sign up for her latest insights, essays, poems, and inspirational programmes direct to your inbox – Subscribe

Website – Solcare

Instagram- Juliet Faye

Facebook – Solcare

CONNECT WITH US!

If you love The Riffing on Realness Podcast, rate the podcast and/or write us a review! 

You can do that HERE ! Don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE so you don’t miss out on new episodes dropping every week. And don’t forget to share it with your friends!

Thank you for listening and being a part of this community! It means a lot to us!

Finally, are there topics you’d like us to cover? Please let us know.