Showing Up When Feeling Bad

Here’s what we explored:

  • Carla has suffered with chronic pain much of her life
  • there was a time when, if she felt unwell she would cancel appointments
  • even though she loves her face to face work with clients
  • when she’s really present, especially in conversations, those sensations matter less
  • what fades, even more, are the ‘woe is me’ stories
  • noticing this has made showing up much easier
  • you may feel lousy now but you may find when you engage with something, those sensations fade
  • less pushing through but more allowing the natural joy to emerge
  • why is it so difficult to show up as we are, to say, ‘I feel lousy’?
  • some people collapse into their emotions or physical discomfort
  • others push through regardless, even when they perhaps need to rest
  • yet when we come to our center, we get clearer about what is needed
  • this is a beautiful middle way which feels easy
  • being upfront about how you feel AND doing what you want to do
  • how does showing up affect the intensity of our symptoms?
  • Carla notices when she’s involved in her everyday activities she’s often completely unaware of her symptoms.
  • Carla has headaches every day
  • these days she doesn’t have much story about the headaches
  • Carla suffered from chronic myofascial pain some years ago and she tormented herself with stories about it.
  • did she cause it? Why her? How could she bear it?
  • once the stories dropped away, she suffered less
  • nowadays she has almost no symptoms
  • Carla’s dog Pedro has physical pain but doesn’t add on stories about it.
  • he’s recently had back surgery.
  • our ‘woe is me’ stories lower our spirits and keep us focused on the pain
  • for Carla that seemed to increase the intensity of the pain
  • in our feeling states too, we get caught up in stories that keep us stuck
  • Juliet talked of a trip to a remote beach when she was feeling tender
  • seeing that her feelings didn’t come from the beach (neither the joy nor melancholy)
  • recognizing that it’s okay to feel what we feel eg melancholy
  • when we surrender to our feelings, they move through in their own time
  • as we get more in touch with a deeper dimension, we take our feelings less seriously, less personally
  • as our understanding of how the mind works deepens, we find more ease with our ups and downs
  • more gentleness and kindness can come in
  • we drop the illusion of urgency as we get less gripped by our feelings and moods
  • see the antelope on the savannah, grazing, relaxed and alert, relaxed, and alert.
  • the lion appears and the antelope’s system floods with stress chemicals
  • the chase is on but the lion swerves and moments later the antelope returns to grazing, relaxed, and alert.
  • of course, the antelope might die but it’s not running stories about this
  • the great lesson here is: we too can move from urgent to relaxed and alert in a heartbeat.
  • we keep the sense of urgency running if we buy into the stories our mind is telling us
  • being present we begin to understand we have the resources to respond to danger.
  • will we outrun the lion? Maybe, maybe not.
  • do we need to live in constant fear? No.
  • we’ve become expert over-thinkers
  • the ego is not who we are at our essence, fundamentally
  • the ego is always trying to put forward a better version of ourselves
  • we work so hard to try and hide our messy human-ness, wearing a mask
  • dropping the mask is such a relief
  • how you feel is not who you are
  • how you feel doesn’t say anything about what kind of person you are
  • getting over-identified with how we feel keeps us from seeing fresh thought
  • when we get over judging how we feel, then we can find unexpected treasure
  • Juliet shares how in a group session where she was struggling to hold her train of thought, she wondered if it was an invitation to go quiet and she did so. The call went very deep.
  • in conversation, we are in a co-creative dance, you, me, and Life
  • when we show up and be authentic, we don’t need to worry about over or underperforming
  • Life/God/Spirit/Universal Mind has our back
  • when we feel on top form we tend to take the credit
  • when we feel a bit off there is a gift there
  • if we can have eyes for how Life takes care of us/things
  • when we swing between ‘poor me’ and ‘aren’t ‘I fantastic’ it can look like ego is in the driver’s seat
  • the paradox is that if we demand we always be centered, in equilibrium, then we set up tension, it’s another form of seeking
  • as we fall more and more into acceptance of being human, what might we be missing in the extremes?
  • when you bring extreme gentleness for its own sake, it brings something marvelous into play

Thank you for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, please do leave a review and share on your networks.

Quote/sources

‘If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;  
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;  
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;   

(Excerpt from ‘If’, poem by Rudyard Kipling)

Be sure to tune in next time!

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

Website – CarlaRoyal.com

Facebook – Carla Royal Coach

Linkedin – Carla Royal

Instagram – CarlaRoyalCoach

Sign up to receive Carla’s weekly newsletter for inspiration, motivation, and tips for living with more ease and flow – Subscribe 

CONNECT WITH JULIET

Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

Sign up for her latest insights, essays, poems and inspirational programmes direct to your inbox – Subscribe

Website – Solcare

Instagram- Juliet Faye

Facebook – Solcare

CONNECT WITH US!

If you love The Riffing on Realness Podcast, rate the podcast and/or write us a review! 

You can do that HERE ! Don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE so you don’t miss out on new episodes dropping every week. And don’t forget to share it with your friends!

Thank you for listening and being a part of this community! It means a lot to us!

Finally, are their topics you’d like us to cover? Please let us know.

Dealing with Exhaustion

Here’s what we explored:

  • we can get so busy we miss the small miracles
  • urgency can become a habit. It is a state of mind
  • whatever state of mind you’re in, that will be your experience
  • having all the time in the world is a state of mind. It’s internal, not external
  • the possibility of feeling sped up but also peaceful
  • we need our ego to function but we don’t need to overly identify with it
  • playing at the game of life is easier when we recognise it as a game
  • being amped up we can fear the crash which ironically feeds the crash
  • it is how we relate to our feeling states that determine how much we suffer
  • not being 9-5 people – not wasting judgement gives more freedom
  • excess judgement around e.g. traffic congestion adds to our exhaustion
  • what sort of world would it be if we met everyone with interested curiosity?
  • holding our masks in place is exhausting and leads to suffering and isolation
  • sometimes we put a lot on being seen as pleasant, calm, wise, kind
  • we can get uncomfortable with the parts of us that don’t match up
  • we are far more than any of our traits
  • accepting our full messy, nuanced human-ness helps us drop the mask
  • If you’re not accepted for who you are because of race, sexuality, religious beliefs or other factors, dropping the mask can look dangerous
  • as you peel away the masks you discover more of your True self
  • as we are more authentic we start to see others for who they really are
  • look to where you have influence, model the behaviour you want to see
  • the risk in speaking up, if you are white, is some emotional discomfort
  • if you are black or brown speaking up may risk physical and bodily harm
  • the primitive brain has 2 primary priorities: to keep us safe and conserve energy
  • finding excessive gentleness for ourselves helps us drop the masks
  • women can sometimes demand that men don’t show vulnerability
  • men can demand that women be soft and gentle
  • neither allows the full experience of being human
  • violence is in othering – internally with parts of ourselves and toward others
  • there is something beyond our feeling states, something unchanging
  • getting more still, getting into your heart, relaxing psychologically
  • stop over-identifying with thoughts that are unhelpful
  • othering is about separation
  • our essence cannot be destroyed
  • we forget the grandeur of who we truly are and how we are all connected
  • let’s be excessively gentle with ourselves
  • Sydney Banks talks of life being a contact sport
  • joy as a powerful act of activism

Thank you for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, please do leave a review and share on your networks.

Quote/sources

For one who is exhausted, a blessing, a poem by John O’Donohue

The Colby Index – measures how you prefer to get stuff done in the world

“Life is like any other contact sport. You may encounter hardships of one sort or another. Wise people find happiness not in the absence of such hardships but in their ability to understand them when they occur.” ~ p.124 The Missing Link – Reflections on Philosophy and Spirit by Sydney Banks

Be sure to tune in next time!

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

Website – CarlaRoyal.com

Facebook – Carla Royal Coach

Linkedin – Carla Royal

Instagram – CarlaRoyalCoach

Sign up to receive Carla’s weekly newsletter for inspiration, motivation, and tips for living with more ease and flow – Subscribe 

CONNECT WITH JULIET

Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

Sign up for her latest insights, essays, poems and inspirational programmes direct to your inbox – Subscribe

Website – Solcare

Instagram- Juliet Faye

Facebook – Solcare

CONNECT WITH US!

If you love The Riffing on Realness Podcast, rate the podcast and/or write us a review! 

You can do that HERE ! Don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE so you don’t miss out on new episodes dropping every week. And don’t forget to share it with your friends!

Thank you for listening and being a part of this community! It means a lot to us!

Finally, are their topics you’d like us to cover? Please let us know.

Dealing with Reactivity

Here’s what we explored:

  • there’s a LOT going on in the world and at some level, we’re using up mental energy just trying to make sense of a world that is changing fast
  • acknowledging that our capacity may seem diminished is a good first step
  • we may all be carrying more stress under the surface than we realise
  • noticing you’re more reactive is a sign that we’re running more stressful thinking than we may realise
  • giving ourselves a break and giving others a break can be really helpful just now
  • our brains tend to look for safety and so we can be running a lot of thinking about safety and security in the face of all the unrest we perceive. The brain likes what’s familiar because it can conserve energy and not work so hard. It doesn’t like uncertainty.
  • there’s information in the fact of feeling stressed but it may not be the information we think
  • we tend to want to think we have to wade in and try to fix all our problems which often look huge and difficult
  • yet we begin to see we’re not very well equipped to deal with those so-called problems when we’re stressed, we tend to lack clarity, access to common sense and perspective. But we know that, right?
  • being more reactive than usual suggests we’re experiencing stressful thinking and that can be a little alarm call that the system needs a tune-up like an engine that’s running at too fast an idle speed (which also wears out the engine)
  • when you’re at the effect of stressful thinking, anxious thinking, or some other state that feels tense, you can acknowledge it, even give a sentence or two about it
  • but you can’t focus on the problem and the solution at the same time, for example, if your car breaks down when you have to get to the airport. So if we go into catastrophizing about what will happen now e.g. missing the flight, then there is no space for solutions to arise e.g. get a taxi, call a neighbour
  • when the engine idle speed is too fast, it’s like having your foot on the gas in neutral. To slow the engine down all we need to do is take our foot off the gas
  • our psychological system wants to come back into equilibrium just as our physical body rallies to heal if we get e.g. a minor cut. It will do that if we get out of the way.
  • Carla notices her own thinking has settled down during this podcast
  • exponential thinking is when we pile on more and more negative thinking on top of the basic fact e.g the car won’t start, then we add all this meaning: why is this happening? it always happens to me. That comes from the past or catastrophizing into the future.
  • when we wake up to how we can pile things on and stress ourselves out it helps us ‘take our foot off the gas’
  • accessing fresh ideas and clarity is difficult when we’re really steamed up or agitated.
  • when you have a lot on your mind, reactivity is likely. With a very full cup, if you pour more water in, it’s going to overflow.
  • realizing this is what is going on, can help us give more grace to ourselves and others
  • when you’re in a state of distress, the first and only thing to pay attention to is letting your mind come down to a more settled state
  • on the other side of the reactivity when you’re more settled is where the helpful stuff can arise
  • for example: in the middle of frustration it’s going to be really hard to find solutions eg for Carla with her Instagram account, but when the frustration calms down, new thinking will arise
  • what about situations that feel more urgent, or important, is there a way to take your foot off the gas and settle your thinking?
  • box breathing is a technique, breathing into the count of four, holding to the count of four and breathing out to the count of four and holding to the count of four can be helpful at times
  • curiously in a ‘real’ crisis, people often find clarity and they know exactly what to do, they could deal with it and cope with it. Conversely, when there wasn’t big stuff going on they could find they experienced more anxiety and less clarity
  • people in conflict zones or emergency rooms often have immense clarity and simply act, doing what they see to do. That is because they have don’t have a lot of thinking on their minds.
  • whereas when we have a lot of thinking on our minds, we can have a lot of commentary, self-criticism which clouds our mind, as if that self-conscious part of ourselves, our little self or the persona or ego wants to run things
  • so it looks as if we can really trust ourselves, there is something bigger than us, that is living us and even when that ego gets into the driving seat and we can suffer, we mostly still find our way
  • a shift in thought, can give us a new perspective at any time, even something as simple, as, “I’ll leave this alone and do something else for now”, can be the perfect solution for that moment.
  • Elizabeth Gilbert talks about welcoming the voice of fear, the ego but making sure it gets in the back seat, not getting too identified with it.
  • when you focus on the problem, that’s all you see: it’s the same with our ego, when we give that a lot of oxygen, when we over-identify with it, then it gets louder. Even then we can find our way through. All of it is ALL made of thought
  • who we think we are is not fixed, it changes all the time – and what does that tell us?
  • making peace with what’s happening AND with our overactive ego
  • it’s comical to see how the flavours of reactivity are very similar: irritable, mean, short-tempered, withdrawing, snappy, grumpy – we’re all the same with a few variations
  • when you get a bunch of stressed and reactive people together and it goes BOOM. If just one person sees what’s going on, it can lead to that settling, that moment of clarity and something different might occur: even just keeping our mouths shut
  • this is the human condition and to pretend it isn’t is a type of spiritual bypassing
  • that persona/ego can be loud and obnoxious and it just wants to be heard
  • taking our foot off the gas and allowing curiosity to arise to find what treasure and gift might be there
  • one way of talking about what the Three Principles is pointing at is simply love and understanding and there is no place of reactivity where love and understanding wouldn’t help. If we can’t extend love and understanding to ourselves; it is hard to find it for others
  • love and compassion is closer than we think, just take our foot off the gas pedal

Quote/sources

Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic

What is Spiritual bypassing

Three Principles

Be sure to tune in next time!

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

Website – CarlaRoyal.com

Facebook – Carla Royal Coach

Linkedin – Carla Royal

Instagram – CarlaRoyalCoach

Sign up to receive Carla’s weekly newsletter for inspiration, motivation, and tips for living with more ease and flow – Subscribe 

CONNECT WITH JULIET

Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

Sign up for her latest insights, essays, poems and inspirational programmes direct to your inbox – Subscribe

Website – Solcare

Instagram- Juliet Faye

Facebook – Solcare

CONNECT WITH US!

If you love The Riffing on Realness Podcast, rate the podcast and/or write us a review! 

You can do that HERE ! Don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE so you don’t miss out on new episodes dropping every week. And don’t forget to share it with your friends!

Thank you for listening and being a part of this community! It means a lot to us!

Finally, are their topics you’d like us to cover? Please let us know.

Dealing with Stress and Anxiety

  • it takes a lot of energy to keep the masks in place
  • we are so creative in the ways we berate ourselves and in that, we can see the power of the mind
  • curiosity is the polar opposite of getting entrenched
  • Juliet talks about walking barefoot on the sticky mud on the estuary foreshore and how getting curious turned it from an unpleasant experience into one of wondering about the force of nature
  • anything we get curious about immediately becomes more appealing
  • however with some tasks we agreed, we don’t bring curiosity, we bring resentment, unwillingness, and reluctance.
  • when we realize the incredible power of thought and how we are experiencing life through our stories
  • Carla tells a great story about her years of resentment and loathing about doing the dishes and realizing that she was experiencing her story about the dishes. It wasn’t true, it had just been repeated so often that it had become a habit. She had an epiphany about her story being made up and that seeing made her cry. Nowadays she doesn’t have any particular thinking about the dishes, she just washes them.
  • knowing the mind can change is so powerful and hopeful and helps us not hold so tightly to anyone state of mind, opinion, or belief
  • the comedy when we see our own ridiculousness
  • how can you find curiosity when you’re not feeling curious?
  • as we begin to realize there is something unaffected by our ups and downs and the ups and downs of the world we get interested in looking away from our preoccupations and towards that deeper experience of being
  • it’s like looking away from the light cast by our desk lamp and realizing there’s a whole vastness beyond that circle of light
  • where are you placing your attention? Slowing down so you can allow the system to slow down
  • Carla talks with entrepreneurs who may not be aware of their own stress especially because they feel we have to hide it from others
  • Carla tells the story of dropping an F-bomb during online study hall when she thought she was on mute. She noticed a whole range of emotions rushing in, including shame but eventually she found herself settling down and getting curious about what had happened and was able to relax and accept her human-ness.
  • these disturbances are not the problem, they are just the alarm clock waking you up to yourself
  • one definition of depression is ‘knowledge withheld’
  • exploring what happens when we sink down below the fight, flight or freeze reactions rather than feeding the disturbance
  • the treasure is available when we go in or through the feelings
  • exploring how when we are faced with others’ discomfort we can try to calibrate their systems so we can calibrate our own system but that is not our business. Calibrating with that deeper part of ourselves – that’s our business
  • as we connect with that deeper part of ourselves, our thoughts and stories seem to get less interesting, we take them less personally
  • we can begin to see our stories rising and not feel so compelled by them
  • there is more to us than reactivity
  • our wellbeing is not dependent on what others are or are not doing
  • touching a feeling of ‘all is well’ a knowing that ‘it’s okay’ shows us there is more than to us than just what we can see, more than what we are feeling in the moment
  • it looks that the most helpful thing we can do is to point ourselves and others to that space of wellbeing for renewal and refreshment of the spirit
  • not so we can avoid action but as fuel for being an active, helping presence in the world
  • embracing our messy humanness and our spiritual groundedness because we are both
  • not seeing our humanness as a problem
  • we all make mistakes and do stupid things
  • we can touch our painful feelings but realizing we don’t have to take up residence there, can be life-changing. It’s not who we are.
  • what is available at a deeper level in any emotional state?
  • when we get curious, things can transform from a problem to a voyage of discovery
  • Carla tells a story of a client for whom a shift in perspective helped him to re-engage wholeheartedly because he’s not afraid anymore. He knows he can find his way through
  • when you feel the rigidity and dogma within you that is just your alarm clock to wake you up to curiosity and openness for something new to arise

Be sure to tune in next time!

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

Website – CarlaRoyal.com

Facebook – Carla Royal Coach

Linkedin – Carla Royal

Instagram – CarlaRoyalCoach

Sign up to receive Carla’s weekly newsletter for inspiration, motivation, and tips for living with more ease and flow – Subscribe 

CONNECT WITH JULIET

Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

Sign up for her latest insights, essays, poems and inspirational programmes direct to your inbox – Subscribe

Website – Solcare

Instagram- Juliet Faye

Facebook – Solcare

CONNECT WITH US!

If you love The Riffing on Realness Podcast, rate the podcast and/or write us a review! 

You can do that HERE ! Don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE so you don’t miss out on new episodes dropping every week. And don’t forget to share it with your friends!

Thank you for listening and being a part of this community! It means a lot to us!

Finally, are their topics you’d like us to cover? Please let us know.

Creativity: The Hidden Cost of Dogma & Rigidity

Here’s what we got curious about with Carla’s example of having dear friends who you know to be kind, loving generous people, wanting to vote for a candidate you find intolerable:-

  • situations that create cognitive dissonance are where we are trying to hold opposing positions which feel impossible to reconcile e.g. good people voting for bad candidates
  • cognitive dissonance feels uncomfortable
  • it’s understandable we want to get out of the feeling of discomfort
  • it looks like if we choose between two positions we’ll feel more comfortable but it seems impossible to choose
  • doing that can often take us into more judgment and division
  • or we can go the other way and do a ‘spiritual bypass’ where we avoid getting into the feelings because we don’t want our peace disturbed
  • but that binary choice, where neither choice feels okay, is maybe where the problem lies
  • if we can say ok to the discomfort of holding two apparently contradictory positions, we find actually we CAN be uncomfortable
  • when you try to hold the dissonance from what you already know, you get stuck 
  • however, if you stay in the dissonance, you can get curious and wonder what do you not yet see?
  • we wondered if there’s a loneliness in staying with the dissonance?
  • many of us weren’t taught to be able to sit with uncomfortable feelings – it wasn’t modeled for us
  • so we can imagine it might be more strenuous and isolating than it actually is
  • dogma or bypassing can look easier, maybe just out of habit
  • our particular flavors of insecurity and the way they show up can look and feel safe, especially if it’s endorsed by a big group of people
  • falling back into the known appears safer; the unknown can look scary
  • just like with anxiety, cognitive dissonance is another feeling state: if you sit with it, acknowledge it, and let it move through you may or may not see something new on the other side
  • there may at times be real danger but more often we are reacting to a perceived danger of being cast out – the primitive part of our brain is always looking for such threats.
  • it’s okay to sit with the discomfort, the cognitive dissonance and open to the curiosity available from this place
  • some of the best artists use their emotions to source their art – what might be available if I don’t get caught up in analysis paralysis
  • when we have feelings of being vigilant we LIVE in the experience of vigilance and see danger and threats everywhere
  • having our own realization of how easily the mind can change, can help us get less fascinated with our dislike of discomfort which can allow curiosity to arise instead
  • a little bit of suspicion about an urgent desire to fix people or things is useful as we see it is often about us – Carla tells a great story about when she stopped trying to fix something for her client and their relationship transformed – she remained curious and open
  • trying to fix people caps our creativity because we’re so focused on the problem
  • we wonder what happens if we look towards what’s possible rather than the problems. Does that unleash more creativity in every walk of life: art, business, relationships, and society?
  • we don’t see each other; we see our stories about each other. If we want to change the dance we’re going to have to drop our attachment to our stories so we can get curious about who this person really is, in front of us. As if meeting them for the first time
  • young people being supportive, generous, and open-hearted is very hopeful
  • what can arise when we pay attention to our connection with self and others – two points on a circle
  • we cannot see the ripples of conversations like this but we can become more sensitive to them
  • at any point in the day when we can refresh our view of ourselves, we get to turn the tap of creativity on
  • we can feel the difference between, say, a heartfelt post and one coming from dissonance and upset (which rarely works out well)
  • the young entrepreneurs Carla works with want more than just money. They want good money AND they want to make a difference in the world and they want to feel that heartfelt connection. Realness matters to them
  • often young people can sense when you’re not being real or authentic and they don’t trust it!
  • Juliet is seeing more people who are looking at the Western world and how it works and saying ‘really?’ We can do better than this and we need a big sweeping vision for something new
  • all of us who can model and encourage others to tune into their own heartfelt sense are giving permission to others
  • Carla ends saying she feels lighter and how honored she is to do the work she does.
  • Juliet talked of the impact of hearing Christa Campsell, a Canadian educator and author and experiencing her profound, quiet love for her students and her work and seeing deeper how simply bringing love and understanding for ourselves and for others, it is so deeply nourishing and transformative

Be sure to tune in next time!

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

Website – CarlaRoyal.com

Facebook – Carla Royal Coach

Linkedin – Carla Royal

Instagram – CarlaRoyalCoach

Sign up to receive Carla’s weekly newsletter for inspiration, motivation, and tips for living with more ease and flow – Subscribe 

CONNECT WITH JULIET

Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

Sign up for her latest insights, essays, poems and inspirational programmes direct to your inbox – Subscribe

Website – Solcare

Instagram- Juliet Faye

Facebook – Solcare

CONNECT WITH US!

If you love The Riffing on Realness Podcast, rate the podcast and/or write us a review! 

You can do that HERE ! Don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE so you don’t miss out on new episodes dropping every week. And don’t forget to share it with your friends!

Thank you for listening and being a part of this community! It means a lot to us!

Finally, are their topics you’d like us to cover? Please let us know.

Creativity 101

  • Carla gets curious because for her, music, the area where she has the most talent is the area she feels the most vulnerable and so she holds back and it feels so different
  • photography on the other hand, for Carla, feels much freer, less exposing which is interesting – it means she gets to play with tools and enjoys her photography and shares it easily
  • Carla sees coaching as a creative endeavor because the magic comes from showing up in presence and seeing what gets co-created
  • when fear and expectations of how it should be get in the way, it tends to shut down the flow of creative energy and we get the experience of our creativity being lacking
  • narrow definitions of creativity as works of art sit in many of our heads unquestioned
  • a completely different definition: anytime we bring something into form that didn’t exist before, that is an act of creativity, so that means we are ALL creative all day, every day
  • so why don’t we feel creative when we make toast!?
  • it looks as if where our attention lands makes all the difference: when we are caught in self-consciousness, thinking about the past or the future, what people think, then we lose our sense of connection.
  • those insecurities might still show up but if we can not give them too much oxygen they don’t tend to have the same grip on us
  • something in the quality of our attention is related to creativity
  • it’s common to find people who are extraordinarily creative but cannot see it eg writing or gardening
  • we tell ourselves stories about everything and if we have a story that says: we have no talent, we are not creative, or we have no aptitude or our e.g. music is not good enough it can stop us from even attempting to do those things and certainly can stop us sharing our talents
  • when something is frictionless, effortless, or no big deal, often there is genius there but they don’t see it because it comes so easily; for others what they do looks remarkable
  • we have a cultural myth that a great work of art must take hard labor and be difficult,  laden with angst
  • the love of doing something, where does it come from? Are we driven by something greater than us?
  • when we’re not caught up in our ego (what we think of ourselves, what others think of us), we can live a more creative flowing life
  • creative flow is not about strategy, it is just about being connected up and grounded and willing to go with the flow
  • you can feel when something is effortful and our self-doubt has got the upper hand
  • ‘Life is not a problem to be solved’ – Audre Lorde
  • when we get so focused on the outcome we try to use our creativity as a means to an end and we forget to enjoy it
  • there is so much joy available in the act of creating, the learning, the playing, the experimenting
  • creativity is messy and we have a culture that values neatness so it can feel scary to step outside the lines and sometimes people seem to get criticized for doing that
  • Juliet has begun to see that anything we create is dynamic, almost alive:  each time someone reads a poem or listens to a piece of music, the poem or song gets re-created. Seeing that took the pressure off her as she realized they are bigger than me.
  • to hold back on the creative ideas that come through to us, we are doing a disservice to the world
  • as an entrepreneur you have to be creative in business and appeal to your audience if you are going to make money – balancing that can look tricky
  • musicians often begin really connected up to their love of music but then record labels come in and start to make demands which can take them away from that connectivity
  • sometimes all we need is permission to stick with what our heart knows
  • clients are drawn to businesses that are heart-centered because they have a hidden ingredient – a realness, a sense of connection – customers were inspired
  • there is a sense of people breaking away from old narratives and getting more confident in standing in their own knowing as if there is a sea change underway
  • collective permission to tune in to what makes sense, what is aligned for us
  • you are allowed to enjoy your life and the talents and inspirations that occur to you
  • the old guard is in their death throes, Carla is seeing something really different with her young male entrepreneur clients: they want to make the money but they know that isn’t where fulfillment comes from. They want to make a positive impact on the world
  • after we ‘unplug’ from our busy minds, negative chatter (simply paying it less attention), we tend to slow way down, and then after we get that refresh, we begin to see things afresh
  • as you bring more of your whole self to what you’re up to, it draws people, people get curious because they sense something at a deeper level and they want it for themselves. It’s the opposite of commodification, you can’t fake it!
  • unplugging can happen anytime, anywhere

Be sure to tune in next time!

QUOTES/SOURCES

Poetry Is Not A Luxury by Audre Lorde from Sister Outsider – a collection of revolutionary writings

Garth Brooks Album: Chris Gaines Greatest Hits

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

Website – CarlaRoyal.com

Facebook – Carla Royal Coach

Linkedin – Carla Royal

Instagram – CarlaRoyalCoach

Sign up to receive Carla’s weekly newsletter for inspiration, motivation, and tips for living with more ease and flow – Subscribe 

CONNECT WITH JULIET

Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

Sign up for her latest insights, essays, poems and inspirational programmes direct to your inbox – Subscribe

Website – Solcare

Instagram- Juliet Faye

Facebook – Solcare

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