Riffing on Freedom

Here’s what we explored:

  • we have lots of ideas about where freedom lies
  • we may think lots of money would give us freedom
  • Carla notices financially highly successful people experience high motivation when they begin their enterprises. It was fun
  • Carla notices the same people can get weighed down worrying about maintaining their finances, scared of losing their money
  • we may think more time would give us more freedom
  • some people turn to self-employment thinking they would be free of the tyranny of the 9-5
  • yet sometimes micro-entrepreneurs found they were working longer hours and had less freedom
  • when we make changes to ‘get more freedom’, the reality doesn’t always match up to our vision
  • it’s interesting how we get caught in an illusion that different circumstances will give us freedom
  • there is another kind of freedom that everyone wants, freedom of mind
  • many of us have a negative inner narrative that is dramatic and critical
  • when we take our thinking less seriously, we find freedom: to see more possibilities, enjoy life more, and feel more alive
  • there are no set of circumstances: person, place, job, business, hobby that can give you peace
  • when we make the mistake of thinking that changing our circumstances will give us peace of mind we get caught in cycles of perpetually chasing ‘better’ circumstances
  • freedom doesn’t come from getting stuff or getting rid of our responsibilities, it is a deeper freedom, it comes from within
  • the idea of a heavenly afterlife led Carla to believe she had to gut it out here on earth and get her reward later
  • freedom of mind doesn’t mean we don’t try to change systems of oppression or get free of oppression
  • we can use spiritual seeking to bypass life, we can become detached and in denial
  • you get disconnected and startlingly unempathetic
  • it comes, like all experiences, from the power of Thought
  • freedom of mind looks like not holding on tight, trying to control our experience, it’s more about opening to the aliveness of experience
  • what gets in the way of opening to experience is the belief that we can’t face loss
  • loss of things, people, physical capacity, and ultimately death
  • freedom to accept the human parts of ourselves as well as the divine parts
  • spiritual bypassing can deny the messiness of our human experience
  • this urge to only share our wins, our magazine smiles, denies the screw-ups in our life
  • when people share their messy sides, it feels more authentic, more trustworthy
  • It’s not either divine or human, we’re both human and divine
  • when things are in opposition, the conflict or tension takes all the oxygen
  • then we look to escape either into base human desires or spiritual detachment
  • we miss so much when we get caught in the opposition of things
  • when we open to both, the divine enriches our humanness and vice versa
  • you can connect to the divine parts of you without all the dogma and judgment
  • when Juliet went offline, she discovered so much more time available
  • it’s similar to when we stop paying attention from all our controlling, judgemental, insecure, constricting thoughts: there’s so much more space
  • when Carla lived in Vermont with limited internet, she felt really open and enjoyed nature more than before
  • it’s similar to what happens when the noise in our minds settles down
  • we’ve lost connection to ourselves
  • the root of freedom is connection with our deepest self

Quotes and References

  • Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl
  • Grit and Grace by Ken Wilbur

Thank you for listening. We’d love to hear your questions or reflections so drop us a line. If you like this podcast, please rate, review and share it. It all helps spread the word, we appreciate it.

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high-achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

Website – CarlaRoyal.com

Facebook – Carla Royal Coach

Linkedin – Carla Royal

Instagram – CarlaRoyalCoach

Sign up to receive Carla’s weekly newsletter for inspiration, motivation, and tips for living with more ease and flow – Subscribe 

CONNECT WITH JULIET

Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

Sign up for her latest insights, essays, poems, and inspirational programmes direct to your inbox – Subscribe

Website – Solcare

Instagram- Juliet Faye

Facebook – Solcare

CONNECT WITH US!

If you love The Riffing on Realness Podcast, rate the podcast and/or write us a review! 

You can do that HERE ! Don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE so you don’t miss out on new episodes dropping every week. And don’t forget to share it with your friends!

Thank you for listening and being a part of this community! It means a lot to us!

Finally, are there topics you’d like us to cover? Please let us know.

Celebration isn’t Just for Special Occasions

Here’s what we explored:

  • often we celebrate the big events but not our successes along the way
  • are we rushing on to the next thing, without taking time to celebrate?
  • when we complete something, celebrating can replenish us
  • the brain’s negativity bias can keep us from enjoying the good, the true, and the beautiful
  • can we intentionally look for the good, the true, and the beautiful?
  • it can feel a bit threatening to the primitive brain that wants to stay in hyper-vigilant mode
  • when we feel good it can induce a bit of panic, fearing the other shoe is going to drop
  • well, the other shoe is going to drop!
  • if we worry less, we are more resourced to deal with it when it happens
  • to be relaxed is to drop your guard – over-ride the primitive urge
  • celebrating is a way to intentionally over-ride that
  • we feel a little more inspiration, a surge of energy, a little more motivation
  • the sound and feel of celebration is just such a lovely invitation
  • ‘all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy’
  • if we wait for the world to give us something to celebrate and stay in vigilance, we will only see what’s wrong
  • what we bring to life, we get: bring celebration to life and we find things to celebrate
  • does reward have to be based on productivity, output, speed, and numbers?
  • what if we celebrated waking up, the fact the sun rose, we have clean air?
  • celebration is connected to wonder
  • when you wonder at the miracle of Life, it releases so much fun, gratitude, and joy
  • we can become burdened by the responsibility of taking care of others in business or our family and lose our ability to enjoy our lives
  • we’ve made a false correlation between ‘hard work’ and output
  • we falsely believe that if we’re not working hard, there must be something wrong
  • when we believe that seriousness and stress are necessary for productivity, we live in the feeling of seriousness and stress
  • when we look to enjoy what we do, we’ll get that feeling of enjoyment
  • sounds too simple but try it for yourselves
  • we learn best from play
  • often our initial success is done without too much thinking
  • celebration can restore that playfulness
  • when we don’t think there’s anything on it we are more responsive
  • when our state of mind goes down in the basement, everything looks difficult and very compelling
  • in that state of mind, our view gets constricted and we get exactly that experience of things being difficult
  • when we are light-hearted, our mind is open and we get in the flow and things feel easy and fun
  • we experience that putting this podcast together
  • fascinating to see how our business can thrive without the experience of stress and struggle
  • interruptions for example can become a big problem if we get really serious about them
  • if we don’t take interruptions so seriously we can surf the wave of interruptions and be flexible, even find unexpected treasure in interruptions
  • a shift in perspective can be so helpful
  • it’s interesting to look closely at what we are telling ourselves about productivity
  • are we missing the heart of things, the possibility of connection and joy in every interaction
  • our opinions get us into trouble
  • what is before our opinions?
  • when we get less fascinated with our opinions, we get to smell the roses more and enjoy life more
  • connected conversations are so nourishing
  • when we are not feeling connected with ourselves and Life, celebration can be a way of connecting with divine spirit
  • Carla and Juliet are in the business of connection
  • when we are constricted, we feel more separate and so the primitive brain responses get louder
  • when we are in connected conversation, we psychologically relax and we get access to more wisdom
  • we can notice this with pets: we don’t have so much thinking, so we get to enjoy them
  • if we look before thought and feeling, we can find more space
  • the sky is like our essence, it is always there, storm clouds, like thoughts and feelings, come and go
  • when we measure how we’re doing by how we feel, we are missing the ever-present sky
  • there’s less to do when we realise thoughts and feelings are just passing through. No need to comment on them, rearrange them or figure out where they came from.
  • as humans, we have all kinds of thoughts and feelings all day long
  • we can bring celebration to life. Try it!

Quotes and References

  • Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl
  • Long Strange Trip – a documentary about Jerry Garcia and The Grateful Dead
  • In Quest of the Pearl by Sydney Banks
  • Rocket Man 2019 film about Elton John’s early years
  • Pinky Piglet the blind, deaf dog on Facebook

Thank you for listening. We’d love to hear your questions or reflections so drop us a line. If you like this podcast, please rate, review and share it. It all helps spread the word we appreciate it.

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

Website – CarlaRoyal.com

Facebook – Carla Royal Coach

Linkedin – Carla Royal

Instagram – CarlaRoyalCoach

Sign up to receive Carla’s weekly newsletter for inspiration, motivation, and tips for living with more ease and flow – Subscribe 

CONNECT WITH JULIET

Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

Sign up for her latest insights, essays, poems, and inspirational programmes direct to your inbox – Subscribe

Website – Solcare

Instagram- Juliet Faye

Facebook – Solcare

CONNECT WITH US!

If you love The Riffing on Realness Podcast, rate the podcast and/or write us a review! 

You can do that HERE ! Don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE so you don’t miss out on new episodes dropping every week. And don’t forget to share it with your friends!

Thank you for listening and being a part of this community! It means a lot to us!

Finally, are there topics you’d like us to cover? Please let us know.

Getting Playful Amid Chaos

Here’s what we explored:

  • what about having a little bit of fun every day?
  • sometimes there can be a kind of pride around being ‘sophisticated’
  • silliness can feel like being out of control
  • a light heart is so much more helpful in so called ‘serious’ situations
  • when you get down and serious with others who are down and serious, everything just gets more heavy and serious
  • do we just need permission to bring more playfulness to life?
  • a light heart invites others to lighten up
  • we’re not talking about tone-deaf joking around when others are suffering
  • light-hearted memes and gifs in the midst of difficult situations can bring a moment of lightness and relief
  • those moments of lightness and relief open space for fresh thinking
  • seriousness doesn’t feel too good and is often a barrier to understanding
  • a lighter heart opens self and others to more openness, curiosity, and tenderness
  • the brain loves play: we feel better and find more flow
  • how does playfulness help the bottom line?
  • you have to rest and restore to be effective at looking after the bottom line
  • is playfulness a superpower?
  • a definition of success: being happy with who we are, what we have, and what we are doing, right now
  • when you allow yourself to enjoy what you’re doing, it isn’t just a more pleasurable experience, it impacts what you’re doing
  • innocently we say, I can’t be happy until I’m good at this task/job/project?
  • we may notice that playfulness is easy in some areas of life, eg.photography for Carla
  • in other areas we may bring lots of fear and judgment to things, believing we have to get it right
  • when we ‘enjoy’ tasks, it’s simply because we don’t have too much thinking on our mind
  • it’s cool to notice we may be holding heavy, serious perceptions about a task which we aren’t actually doing right now
  • sometimes we hold these perceptions in our imagination and experience all the seriousness of our thinking, mistakenly believing it is the task giving us the experience
  • a great question for journaling: what would this look like, if it was easy?
  • you bring your state of mind to life not the other way round
  • if you are in an irritated state of mind, everything in your awareness will feel irritating
  • you are literally living in the experience of irritation
  • any moment has the possibility to be anything in your experience
  • you can’t focus on the problem and the solution at the same time
  • problem thinking creates an experience of problems
  • perfectionism is a joy killer
  • getting something 80% done, is good enough
  • you can always refine and upgrade
  • when we are tight and serious and constricted around something, it is hard going
  • as an experiment: what would it be like to go into something totally playful and curious. Try it with something that is not high stakes
  • when we deeply realise the wholeness at our core, we get less interested in striving to be perfect
  • people want a richer internal life, why wouldn’t they?
  • Carla is seeing clients recognising the toxicity of the perfectionist culture and she encourages them to get more real
  • finding the courage to go into something with more authenticity. Dropping the masks
  • stand in your own knowing when you get ideas that seem left field
  • this time is fertile ground for innovation: for new ideas to emerge, for people who don’t consider themselves as leaders to come forward
  • when we are being authentic and true to what resonates, people are attracted to that
  • they are attracted to the quiet knowing rather than the idea itself
  • we’re here to invite each other into a quieter space and what people will do in that space is up to them
  • it’s an exciting time
  • we invite listeners to experiment with more playfulness in their lives

Quotes and References

  • Painting with John (HBO series)
  • Kintsugi – Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with golden lacquer

Thank you for listening. We’d love to hear your questions or reflections so drop us a line. If you like this podcast, please rate, review and share it. It all helps spread the word we appreciate it.

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

Website – CarlaRoyal.com

Facebook – Carla Royal Coach

Linkedin – Carla Royal

Instagram – CarlaRoyalCoach

Sign up to receive Carla’s weekly newsletter for inspiration, motivation, and tips for living with more ease and flow – Subscribe 

CONNECT WITH JULIET

Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

Sign up for her latest insights, essays, poems, and inspirational programmes direct to your inbox – Subscribe

Website – Solcare

Instagram- Juliet Faye

Facebook – Solcare

CONNECT WITH US!

If you love The Riffing on Realness Podcast, rate the podcast and/or write us a review! 

You can do that HERE ! Don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE so you don’t miss out on new episodes dropping every week. And don’t forget to share it with your friends!

Thank you for listening and being a part of this community! It means a lot to us!

Finally, are there topics you’d like us to cover? Please let us know.

Simplicity 2: Enjoying What We Have

Here’s what we explored:

  • high achievers can feel excited to have certain things eg the right watch
  • but also there’s a pressure to live in certain places, wear the right things
  • and they report some incongruity and concern around these urges
  • having lived large and small, Carla’s preference is to live in a small, uncluttered space
  • we can get caught in a misunderstanding that our security or happiness rests in having certain things
  • it’s interesting to notice the arc of desire, anticipation, and satisfaction
  • the satisfaction remains for a while but before long there’ll be something else glittering on the horizon and so the cycle begins again
  • deep down we know wellbeing and security doesn’t reside in stuff
  • if you deeply know wellbeing and happiness come from within then there’s greater freedom around stuff – you can get and enjoy things with a lighter heart
  • what meaning are you putting on your possessions?
  • our material wealth says nothing about who we are at our essence
  • when we confuse where our wellbeing rests, we suffer, feeling tense around getting and keeping material wealth
  • we’re inundated with messages that point us in every direction (except within) to find happiness
  • it isn’t the availability of stuff but our perception of material possessions that gives us our experience
  • we relate to material possessions through our own stories, conditioning, and beliefs and this is often the source of our angst
  • tune in, before all our stories and from that still place, what is your feeling about this item?
  • Carla’s story about make up illustrates how our stories can fall away and when they do our behaviour may change
  • when we realise we are doing things, acquiring things, or presenting ourselves in ways that feel off, it is because deep down we know we have all we need inside so putting so much importance on stuff doesn’t resonate
  • the freedom comes when we don’t have so much riding on what we have, then we can get things that appeal to us and just enjoy them
  • the feeling of how we live moment to moment gives us our experience; not our possessions
  • as we understand deeper and deeper how our experience gets created, more and more of our stories get visible to us
  • the masks begin to drop away more and more and we get more real
  • the divine, the mundane, and the messiness are all part of who we are
  • the experience you are having at this moment is all you have: some feel lousy, some feel great
  • mostly we meet our experience through the complexity of layers and layers of stories and so life looks difficult and complex
  • our stories can act as barriers to others, increasing the feeling of separation
  • the super-rich often remove themselves from close contact with their community believing that gives them a better experience of life. Does it?
  • we all have periods of feeling insecure about relationships, jobs, money whatever our level of material wealth
  • the richness of experience available from within is in a different league to the buzz of a fancy meal or a nice car
  • as we discover inner peace, contentment, and joy that isn’t dependent on circumstance, we get to enjoy everything more because there is less on it
  • it goes way deeper and is way more nourishing than the short term dopamine hit of a new purchase
  • what you seek does not exist outside of yourself: it is within
  • a definition of success: being happy with who you are, what you have and what you do
  • when you start with being happy right where you are, you create more space, more possibility
  • happiness is available in any situation: in good times and bad times
  • when we are scared of losing things, it’s a sign we are confused about where wellbeing truly comes from
  • once we realise where well-being resides, there is so much more freedom to play the game of life

Quotes and References

  • @thefemalelead Instagram
  • Grace and Grit by Ken Wilbur

Thank you for listening. We’d love to hear your questions or reflections so drop us a line. If you like this podcast, please rate, review and share it. It all helps spread the word we appreciate it.

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

Website – CarlaRoyal.com

Facebook – Carla Royal Coach

Linkedin – Carla Royal

Instagram – CarlaRoyalCoach

Sign up to receive Carla’s weekly newsletter for inspiration, motivation, and tips for living with more ease and flow – Subscribe 

CONNECT WITH JULIET

Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

Sign up for her latest insights, essays, poems, and inspirational programmes direct to your inbox – Subscribe

Website – Solcare

Instagram- Juliet Faye

Facebook – Solcare

CONNECT WITH US!

If you love The Riffing on Realness Podcast, rate the podcast and/or write us a review! 

You can do that HERE ! Don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE so you don’t miss out on new episodes dropping every week. And don’t forget to share it with your friends!

Thank you for listening and being a part of this community! It means a lot to us!

Finally, are there topics you’d like us to cover? Please let us know.

Simplicity | An Inside Job

Here’s what we explored:

  • when people try and fix us or our problems it’s not helpful, it can be disempowering
  • what about not offering solutions to others?
  • what if we have faith that others can figure things out?
  • what if we wait to be asked for advice?
  • the simplicity and power of just being present with someone is under-estimated
  • wanting to fix others is usually about the fixer’s ego
  • fixers often can’t tolerate someone’s else’s pain or discomfort
  • fixing is often about the fixer feeling better
  • to have someone sit with you when you are hurt, confused or angry is incredibly powerful
  • Carla talks about an initial conversation she has with prospective clients where she doesn’t coach but listens deeply and asks questions
  • what if we don’t need a bag of tools and techniques to deal with work, family or finances?
  • what if bringing the simplicity of listening with a tender, open-heart is all we need?
  • a psychological relaxation is a kind of dropping down under our thoughts rather than trying to control or argue with our thoughts
  • listening to understand means listening with an open minded curiosity
  • when we are too in love with our own great ideas we stop listening
  • when people are going through difficult life challenges, we can worry about what to say or do.
  • Just show up and be present and see what occurs
  • support (for ourselves and others) can be incredibly simple
  • sometimes we don’t need words, so much is carried on the feeling, more than we realise
  • in a constricted tense mind, it’s almost impossible to come up with solutions
  • also in a numb, zoned out mind, problems can seem overwhelming
  • that deeper, peaceful feeling is never far away
  • we can discover the possibility of a little reboot at any odd moment
  • gentle encouragement to look towards a deeper experience
  • trying to force our mind into any particular state tends to just get in the way – more busy thinking
  • how is it we can switch out of a low mood for example, when we have a work call?
  • fresh thought gives us a fresh experience
  • if you deeply realise that, it begins to change your relationship to how you feel
  • state of mind is fluid: notice how much it changes through the day
  • when you feel state of mind gives us an experience of irritability
  • if you try to solve a problem from that irritable state, everything you look at will be experienced as irritating
  • what about long term depression, how do you get over that?
  • there is a deeper dimension that is beyond or before your mood
  • when we begin to see that all our feelings are coming from inside of us, there is a freedom in recognising that
  • often we add a pile of judgement, analysis and shame on how we feel and so we have the experience of being shamed, wrong, not good enough
  • grieving is healthy, it’s a way of coming back to equilibrium if we allow ourselves to experience it wholeheartedly
  • then it doesn’t feel as sticky
  • our psychological system will come back to equilibrium
  • there is a way to feel more grounded through what we think of as difficult emotions
  • when we expand into how we feel, huge arms of love wrapped around whatever we are feeling: grief, mean-ness
  • we are participants and creators in the experience we are having
  • as we get insights around where our experience is coming from, our relationship to our moods begins to change
  • our capacity to feel, to feel love, and appreciate everyday beauty, expands
  • the need to control begins to fall away
  • the control, analysis, and judgment takes so much energy
  • wonder about that still space before our thoughts and feelings
  • we touch that space all the time, it’s ordinary, but we overlook it

Quotes and Reference

  • Adyashanti – on many social media platforms

Thank you for listening. What are you seeing around simplicity? We’d love to hear your questions or reflections so drop us a line. We’d love this podcast to reach a wider audience and point more people to their own wisdom, so please like and share it. It all helps and we appreciate it.

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

Website – CarlaRoyal.com

Facebook – Carla Royal Coach

Linkedin – Carla Royal

Instagram – CarlaRoyalCoach

Sign up to receive Carla’s weekly newsletter for inspiration, motivation, and tips for living with more ease and flow – Subscribe 

CONNECT WITH JULIET

Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

Sign up for her latest insights, essays, poems, and inspirational programmes direct to your inbox – Subscribe

Website – Solcare

Instagram- Juliet Faye

Facebook – Solcare

CONNECT WITH US!

If you love The Riffing on Realness Podcast, rate the podcast and/or write us a review! 

You can do that HERE ! Don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE so you don’t miss out on new episodes dropping every week. And don’t forget to share it with your friends!

Thank you for listening and being a part of this community! It means a lot to us!

Finally, are there topics you’d like us to cover? Please let us know.

Looking Outside Yourself for Belonging Can Drive Loneliness

Here’s what we explored:

  • why do we all want to belong?
  • we want to feel safe, accepted, and secure
  • the feeling of aloneness can be acute and seem unbearable
  • we often gravitate to things, environments, groups of people where we think we could belong
  • when those options are shut down, you get thrown back on yourself
  • if we’re used to filling our days with company and activity and projects, it can be a very uncomfortable place to be
  • is there a deeper sense of belonging we’ve missed in our busyness?
  • not to say that human contact is not a deep human need and being deprived of it has an impact
  • it’s common for people not to enjoy their own company, in fact, we can go to great lengths to avoid being alone with ourselves
  • we are pack animals and the brain wants to find safety in a tribe
  • cults can appeal to that desire to belong and connect
  • what is the real source of connection and belonging?
  • we forget that we are animals, we are a part of nature
  • getting out into nature can be a way to get back in contact with a deeper dimension of being
  • it’s interesting to notice, there will be places in our lives where we instinctively get settled and curious, for us that is when we are in conversation with clients
  • we may experience a deeper sense of connection out in nature or when doing hobbies or with loved ones or pets
  • Juliet wonders do we just revert to old patterns of thought when we are alone?
  • do we, or could we extend that same interest and curiosity to ourselves when we are at large in our own minds?
  • ‘pondering’ feels much nicer than ‘ruminating’ which suggests grinding and old habits of thought
  • there is a deeper dimension, it’s an ordinary, everyday occurrence, when we drop out of that habitual thought, even if just for a moment
  • in that deeper dimension, there is no sense of being alone or not alone
  • within the mental chatter, we can feel everything: lonely, bored, fed up but it’s ever-changing
  • is this time nudging us and sometimes kicking us to go inward
  • do we fear that depth? Sometimes we love the idea; sometimes we avoid it at all costs
  • sometimes people get so so busy and then if they stop, they get bored and are unwilling or unable to sit with that boredom
  • how can anything fresh can arise when we fill our heads with constant noise and distraction (internal or external)
  • that desire to stay busy can come from not wanting to hang out with dark, overwhelming thoughts – we want to feel better – who wouldn’t want to do that?
  • those little hits we get from e.g. cake, our favourite show, alcohol, nicotine, exercise, give us a brief moment of respite but it never lasts (and we know that)
  • Juliet used to measure how she was doing by how she felt – thinking that she SHOULD be feeling good
  • there’s something better than feeling better
  • there’s something more reliable than feeling better
  • sitting on the bank of ourselves, we may touch on a space where we don’t need to feel better
  • to be in a foul mood, to know you’re in a foul mood and to know also that you’re okay
  • whereas if we can’t stand how we feel, we often go into overdrive and vomit over others and feel self-righteous doing so
  • when we let go of the urgent desire to feel better, ironically things don’t matter so much and things move through more easily
  • if all you’ve got is ‘how you feel’ then you’re going to gives those feelings a lot of weight and meaning (about you, others, and the world)
  • it makes sense you’re going to employ all kinds of strategies to feel better
  • when you realise there’s something beyond how you feel, your moods don’t matter so much
  • you can feel more intensely, more wholeheartedly but not suffer so much
  • we started this podcast because it feels there’s so much superficiality, fakeness, spiritual bypassing and we wanted to bring something more real to people
  • when Carla was a fundamentalist Christian she was searching for that happy place where she would get enlightened and never feel bad again
  • enlightenment is not about never feeling sad again or facing loss or pain
  • a deeper part of ourselves knows this to be true
  • the search itself can lead to so much suffering, taking us away from our own wisdom, our own ‘soft animal body’ as Mary Oliver says
  • if we don’t pay attention to all the meaning we make out of our feelings and moods, they get less sticky
  • a headache could just be a headache, not personal, not imbued with meaning, just a headache
  • we get to respond to the pain with common sense rather than piling on lots of meaning and adding huge amounts of suffering
  • we still get caught up in the big fat juicy stories but we wake up quicker
  • with physical pain, for example, we can reach for a story because we want to feel better by making something justified, or, more often than not, we reach for the dramatic stories that have us as the villain
  • when we get wise to our stories, see them for what they are, we find we can be less attached to them
  • it only makes sense to try and control what we think and feel and worse try to control what others think and feel when we don’t realise there is a deeper dimension that is always there
  • Life is always living us, the only thing that takes us away from a felt sense of that, is getting caught up in our stories
  • the more we notice and appreciate that deeper sense of life pulsing through us, the more we get eyes for it, the more present it becomes to us
  • that deeper sense is like a buoyancy aid through the turbulence
  • belonging to a group whether that’s a family, religious, work or other community is often conditional on conforming to rules and beliefs
  • Carla talks about her time in a fundamentalist Christian Church that threatened to excommunicate her because she was sleeping with her boyfriend
  • In terms of evolution, it is important that the tribe has certain rules and understandings so you can live peaceably together
  • Carla felt more spiritually connected when she left the Church and got more connected up with Nature and herself
  • wanting to belong can be like a craving
  • groups often form around shared concepts and beliefs
  • organising around shared values can be helpful
  • when we have an experience of feeling connected in a deeper way, nature can reflect that
  • when we feel a sense of expansiveness, compassion and love, what we interact with, reflects that even if it is loss or sadness
  • sometimes our need to belong can over-ride our common sense concerns about what might be going on in a group
  • the concept of connectedness is very different from the heartfelt knowing of that connectedness
  • as we get a sense of that connectedness at a heart level, perhaps we get more discerning as we realise a sense of belonging doesn’t come from anything external but from deep within
  • being able to discern when we are trying to fulfill needs from the wrong source is a wonderful thing as it leads to a less frantic relationship with all the diversions and distractions on offer
  • that craving to belong can lead us to go along with toxic practices that are not good for us or for society in general
  • we are not trying to convince people of this deeper dimension, you have to realise it for yourself
  • we, Carla and Juliet, are in the business of pointing people back home
  • people are waking up more and more
  • the more people go through life open-hearted, willing to engage more wholeheartedly with their own emotions and other people’s emotions, the more we begin to see the person just like you, in front of you, with the same hopes and fears
  • there is no doubt that people are suffering at many levels, often directly from man-made causes and urgent practical help is needed. If we can help, do so.
  • at a deeper level, real sustainable change lies in a change of heart, one person at a time
  • when we are waking up, there can be a lot of discomfort or a place of wobbliness because we’re not yet grounded
  • to integrate new insights, there is a need to stay with the wobbliness and not turn away
  • even if we do turn away, avoid or fight it, there will be more opportunities
  • there is such gratitude available as we reflect on what going deeper brings: more compassion, open-heartedness, clarity, and wisdom
  • there is more available for us as we go deeper inwards

Quotes and References

  • Wild Geese a poem, by Mary Oliver

Thank you for listening. What are you seeing around belonging? We’d love to hear your questions or feedback so drop us a line. We’d love this podcast to reach a wider audience, so please like and share it. It all helps and we appreciate it.

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

Website – CarlaRoyal.com

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CONNECT WITH JULIET

Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

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Website – Solcare

Instagram- Juliet Faye

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